8.22.15 Where there is nothing to think about, nothing to figureout, nothing to plan, nothing to fear, nothing to wring hands about

So often we forget how push push pushed we have become; that way in which we push ourselves to keep going and doing, out of necessity, or great concern, or worry , or habit. Pushing ourselves happens, and is understandable. The most exhausting and depleting aspect, however, is forgetting to let go, to yield, and sink back into ourselves in between the times we must keep going and doing. So, we get stuck, in that push. Tight, tense, ready, all Sympathetic Nervous System Dominance. Our blood supply leaves our extremities and our digestive system, so our peripheral circulation suffers, and our digestive integrity is reduced. Our mind tires and our cortisol levels rise and rise, setting off an domino effect in other ways. 

I was noticing I'd forgotten to let go after so many pushes recently, and stopped. I just stopped to see if I could find the way I was pressing onward when pressing onward was no help at all. I sat and closed my eyes and poured myself into the pushing...poured myself into the tight clasped hands holding on and the prefrontal cortex of my forehead tight with pushing and unremitting focus and my shoulders and arms tight tight and my torso pushing forward and tight... and I sat there in the still point of the tight hovering push.

In my practice while I was unwinding over pushed clients, I would describe for them Harriers, birds of prey who are designed to hover, and so hover they do, with ease. Thing is, after hovering, they go rest. So do Hummingbirds and everyone else who spends some time tight and vigilant. Because we need to be somehow sustainable, in order to focus and yet be alright.

So I sat and after embodying the tight push (which BMC people could give you ten or twenty coolest moves for far better) with eyes closed I say myself letting go of the pushing and holding on and focusing. i saw my prefrontal cortex let go and become soft and malleable and pull back and melt into softness. I saw my hands and arms and shoulders and torso let go of the hard tight pushing...for what I want to understand, what i want to support, what I'm waiting to find out, what I'm worried about, what matters most... and I watched myself with eyes closed fall backward slowly, into soft let-go ease.

And then I let go and sunk deeply into that  Para-Sympathetic ease, where there is nothing to think about, nothing to figure out, nothing to plan, nothing to worry over, nothing to fear, nothing to wring hands about, nothing of concern coming down the pike; nothing nothing but this moment of being laid far far back into quiet mind soft body ease.

And then I stayed there for awhile, letting it all sink in, becoming accustomed once again to being the Harrier settling into the bush by the ancient flowing river, all being well.

8.2115 The Critic voice and the horse hair shirt

One of mine was on the phone with me while I walked the dog , describing how a someone in a position of power shamed them in front of others , using irrelevant information. , just to ... get their rocks off? Make themselves look good on front of peers ? Who knows . 

They then had that experience we slide into. , their own Critic voice waking up , slamming them with untrue accusations. 

So after listening , I reminded them that this Critic voice is no more truly us... than so much other crap projected upon us by others or culture or circumstance .
So often it's like a horse hair shirt someone throws on our back, and ties round our neck.
Perceiving this , being angry and enraged ,returns us to ourselves. . Rescues us from the grip of fake repetitive self denigration , that has no place in our days or our nights . 

Feeling all this with awareness , and someone lovingly listening , unwinds the false crap, disintegrates the ties, and the whole piece of garbage falls by the wayside . Leaving us our true imperfect remarkable selves, once again .

Bottom line, no one and no learning ever requires or condones mean spirited treatment of others .

There are so many more honest honorable ways of communicating with effectiveness and integrity.

8.21.15 By now, we all know how it works. Falling off horses; climbing back on.

     My oldest asked me if I've been able to start working out again. My daughter called me about jogging with her dog by her side. My husband goes to crossFit with his chemo pack on. And my youngest texts me a photo of him, flat on his back, after playing indoor soccer. Telling me he and his girlfriend are about to start jogging. 
     And for about a week, I feel it all inside of me, gestating . Growing little rootlets, sending out shoots. 
     And then, I drop my husband off at his job, while he builds himself up for fall. On my way back, I hang a right, wrong clothes on, walk through the pouring rain, open the door, set myself on the beginning of the machines. And I'm back. 
     By now, we all know how it works. Falling off horses; climbing back on.

8.21.15 In the beginning

     In the beginning , I left seed pods on garden plants because I didn't get around to trimming them off. Winter would come, and even through February, out there the birds and wildlife would be feeding upon Lupine and Echinacea and Goldenrod and succulent and Hosta and vegetable seeds . 
     Now , I let everything be, save when the Valerian goes to seed and after all the baby Sparrows alight , daily , happily picking them clean . 
     What we know now is that it's good to trim off rotting parts of plants and garden , but the Kale will return year after year , it's blossoms the very first food for insects - especially early butterflies and hummingbirds . 

     Out across the garden now are all the Lupine seed pods, that will be a gourmet breakfast come cold snowy months.
     So too, the mullein stalks, no longer gloriously yellow , will feed many all winter long .
     And now we know that mowing over our leaves may use gasoline , but save gas costs lugging to a landfill where the methane spikes from the piles of leaves. No nutrient value , but how broken down leaves increase the integrity of soil and insect and wildlife infrastructures .
                         After all, we're not the only ones here .

8.21.15 I've been watching the large and small Sunflowers here, and that amazing way they

"Look! Over there ! " ( the blossoms so seem like faces)

I've been watching the large and small Sunflowers here, and that amazing way they move so much during the day . The native bees busily doing what they do , which in perfect synergy ,pollinates all the female and male parts of each plant. 

The Fibbonaci spiral enables many things in nature, here for the most seeds to form per Sunflower. 

And why/how do they move with the sun more than most plants ? Well ...

"During the day, the stems elongate on the side away from the sun, tilting leaves and immature flowers toward the sun throughout the day and ending up facing west at sunset. When there's no light (so...night time), the other side of the stem grows, pushing the leaves and flowers back to the east where they will be facing the sun at sunrise."