9.7.16 Hey, I'm game

 

~I've been having this distinct experience for three days now, where I awaken with this pleased anticipation of my day.  I mean, really nice tingly-in-belly reached happy something/good-is-coming--today feeling that greets me when I openly eyes.

~It's not arrived yet when I get up to pre at 4, and if I stir at 5.... nope, nowhere around. But at 6? There it is, in full regalia. Streaming quietly through me and my body.

~If I pull myself back into sleep and nod off here and there  til 7, it treads water, hummingly, staying right there alongside .

~And whenever I wake for good, I'm filled to the brim with the happ happ happiness feeling, like a visitation, that slowly fades after that.

~But I remain certain in some non-linear fashion of the truth of it's assertion. ~Mostly because it's an embodiment , not a thought or idea. It's believable for precisely that reason, without any rationale of its own.

~ I don't know if this happens to you ever, a few times or longstanding. And there is that choice, isn't there, that we then have. Between just being swimmingly with it when it pops by, or look looking to see if there is a correlation between this sense of things and something changing or happening or arriving or leaving and all. 

~One of the things some of us really like as we move from 10 to 40 to 60 and so on is the letting go we gradually experience. Really. Where those old ways of evaluating and planning and taking charge and measuring and tracking don't hold such sway. It's not like we don't keep track in some ways, or retain an overview. But this morphed way of being lots of times means that when something shifts like this, we go "Huh. Look at this deal." And then go on with our lives and notice when it continues or doesn't. And sometimes wonder and try out supporting ourselves a bit better to see if this is in fact something like a new blossom, that can happen if we care for ourselves more like this, or like that.

~I'm not certain  , besides the usual suspects of precious stuff in my life, that indeed I am grateful for every moment, what on earth this could  be about.

~It's like having a certainty that good things of some sort are about to happen that will feel good, without having any idea whatsoever what their could be about.

~But hey, I'm game, I'll go along and do what we all do, and often , which is to do the very best we can and make the very most  of tough situations that we know full well could be oh so much tougher . 

~The funniest part that I just realized is its been exactly that many days I've been listening to a Kabot Zinn meditation video for 20 minutes when I wake up each morning.

~One where he chatters along and tells you that no matter how turbulent your life can be or feel, that you, like a deep dark ocean, have depths far below that you can drop down into, that are absolutely completely still and calm.

~And then he chatters on  about riding the waves of your breath, and as your prefrontal cortex remains completely absorbed by him going on and on, your breath deepens into these waves and you go deep and every single thing is really ok.