12.26.16 Starting from here

We need to start from where we are.

We start from where we are, to get somewhere else. So often, we fail to get anywhere else in the ways we dream of, because we don't feel we can tolerate the uncomfortable feelings we have about where we are.

So often, we have difficulty not judging or shaming or characterizing ourselves in some simplistic matter, about our appearance. About our present circumstances. Of unkind and possibly inaccurate characterizations, by others, of us.

So we avoid the whole situation, by avoiding facing who we seem to be today, and the circumstances at present, as a way of making peace with that, and a way of finding the path to other possibilities.

We mistakenly conclude that if we don't want to deal with how we feel about being in our present circumstances, just don't pay attention. Don't ask, don't tell. 

If we don't like the result of hard work at our job, just don't try so hard. Affect disdain.
If I don't like the results when I draw something, stop trying. 

When I don't like what happens when I try to get to know the next-door neighbor, stop trying to get to know them. 

If I don't really understand the election, stop trying to understand it. 

If I can't figure out how to help my kid, then just get mad at them and blame them. 

God, we have such a broad range of ways in which we use this remedy. Constantly confusing and then short sheeting ourselves. 

Waking up in the middle of the night, or waking up, as we grow older, wondering what oh what happened.

When really, the solution lies before us, and in our own hands.

We have the courage, no matter what anyone else says, to believe in ourselves. To respect ourselves for our best present effort.

And despite whatever difficulty is present in our day-to-day life, we CAN select one realistic manageable small change. Not a big one . Not 20 steps. Just one small thing. And then carefully bring ourselves to it, day after day after day.

And if we don't succeed, sit down and think about how many small steps lay within this one.
Because that's the key. That's the secret. And when you really start exploring life, you discover that this leap across the stream is simply too big. No matter what you want to be true. 

And then you stop. And you think carefully about it. And you devise a much tinier step. One very proud very courageous very cool very small step.