As we grow older, or while we are younger, but facing a very difficult situation, and maybe all the times in between, we grapple with our mortality.
In the common and somewhat paltry wisdom of our own time, and to a certain extent, of the ages, this thinking goes like this:
It will be more OK as we are aging or dying, if some things have been included in our life. Among these are-
a. Leaving behind a legacy of accomplishment, that (and this is the tricky part) is both acknowledged and valued by others. The longer lasting this fame is, the better.
There is sometimes the often occurring fantasy of someone like Freida Kahlo or van Gogh, who were virtually unknown in their own life times, and yet their creative achievement (and suffering), with time ,only become more revered. This sometimes happens. Although, by and large, not.
Not for humans, oak trees, ants, or bears. For the most part, we live our lives, we touch the lives of others while we are here, for better or worse, and for a little bit after we're gone.
But, if you think about it, that's pretty remarkable, and part of the web of life. Why not be amazed by the grace of being included in this.
b. We sometimes fantasize or plan or even accomplish doing something that separates us out from the herd, whether it's extraordinary or terrible or creative or beautiful or odd.
Sometimes people begin problem-solving what they can do to get a listing in the Guinness book of world records, or build the biggest french fry replica or give the most money or contribute to the wing of the library that will have their name on it or things like that.
When they involve the common good, they're cool. The name might not last. But the deed is good.
c. But sometimes as we become more aware of our mortality, or we grow older or less able, sometimes we really focus on what it is we want our life to be, that holds value for us.
Sometimes it involves our values and our ethics and our beliefs, and contributes to the greater good.
Other times it doesn't. I mean, we each get to take a stab at what we think we want to do.
d. One of the big secrets is that, when we begin to focus on what we want to spend our time and energy doing, when we are able, to fine-tune or acquire skills or create something that holds value for us, that's the thing that can provide us with confidence and well-being and peace of mind.
It can involve contributing to others, and it can simply involve hanging out doing what matters to us.
But the funny thing is that, despite the fallacy in our culture, that the bigger and better we are, the more popular or fashionable we are, the cooler stuff we can parade in front of others, the more other people think were really cool, (even if we're debt ridden and just buying really great stuff) none of that really holds valuable substance to us. Inside of ourselves.
The regard we get from others for superficiality is fleeting and, well, superficial. It actually holds very little meaning.
Superficiality often reminds me of lying. You know, when you lie to someone about a cool thing you did or that you have, and they're so excited, and you anticipate feeling really great and cool and wonderful because you're pretending this thing. But all along, you know it's a lie, and you're pretending, and it provides absolutely no satisfaction whatsoever. People become liars when they keep seeking the feeling anticipated when they are making believe it's going to happen by lying and posturing. It can become quite a delusional hobby or addiction, lying to yourself and making believe to others.
It holds no substance, you know deep down. It only promotes anxiety and self-doubt, lousy self-esteem and no confidence at all, like a house built upon the sand.
But when we listen carefully to those who've gone on this journey, or those who are very ill, or experienced, or older, or nudging up against your own mortality, sometimes this is what we learn.
The substance of our own valuing of ourselves. Any which way we create it. For real.
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