What we observe, when we live long enough, is that if you really want to know who someone is, and what their weird shit is, go on test drives. Do different kinds of things with them,and you'll find out soon enough if you can deal with their particular kind of weird.
Like, with a friend or neighbor or coworker or cousin, you discover that they're great to go bowling with,but you find out how crabby they are on short rides, finding fault with you or the situation, so you know a road trip is NOT in your future together.
Maybe they can be the sweetest friend to talk life or politics or spiritual stuff with, but you can Not talk over a discrepancy, because they go ballistic defensive.
Later, they never mention it, don't think it bears mentioning, so you vow not to go there with them, because you value knowing them, but that unaware shit is nuts.
Or they want to loan you money, and you really need it if it's ok,and you begin to clarify a clear cut written agreement, because everyone knows that money between friends is complicated.
But you watch them excitedly getting ready to loan you the money and they begin to dictate every single thing you are going to do with the loan, or with your life, with no awareness that this is unusual and invasive and untenable.
So you decide against it, and they're all upset and surprised, because they were all excited about being in charge of their you-improvement project. Showing their stripes further. Whew.
So you get it, and give thanks that they revealed themselves in time, and you back up to the old nice fun talks and walks in the woods.
Seeing that they will be unable to meaningfully talk over the difference in perspective or opinion without getting very upset. Their little glitch, there.
You let it go,and still have the wonderful walk-in-the-woods friend.
Life is so funny like that. We're a patch of land in the dark, with errant beams of light, that illuminate different awarenesses for different folks.
It's not like you should blame yourself or another for blindnesses.
It's more that we all do the best we can, and the more we are seen for who we are, even if we can't clearly see our selves, the more we evolve and our sight fine-tunes and quickens.
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