People love to romanticize
long term relationships. Sometimes I think they love the fantasy more than
becoming aware of the messy, non-Disney Movie probability.
Most long term relationships I know are kind of tweaked. Being loved does not mean there is someone there who is interested in what interests you, what matters to you, what you create, or what your dreams are.
And, funny thing, most times they ( and us) think they are. Interested in all those things.
Most long term relationships I know are filled with factors many of my single friends thought were grounds for breaking up or divorce.
As if flushing while you're in the shower, your artwork boring them , not wanting to do stuff with you, being unable to be alone with the kids without losing it, being unwilling to do finances together, not being interested in your birthday, or not helping dig the grave for the dog because they hated having pets... as if all that isn't right in the thick of a long term relationship.
That even includes being madly in love while absolutely not being able to stand certain traits.
A long term relationship is like a unique garden that somehow takes root, often in the most surprising places. That stutters and struggles, and all the while grows deep beautiful things. And not the things you expected or were hoping for.
More than once, old friends have disowned me ,for suggesting that their midlife or 50's or 60's fantasy yearnings, just around the corner, for this stylized Soul Mate, who asks you what you truly want...just might not be real life stuff.
Just might be something I myself have never seen anyone ever bump into, or live.
Maybe real life love is messy. Maybe you have to deal with kids by yourself, even if ideologically your beloved doesn't believe in sex roles. Maybe you need to come up with your own delicious birthday plan every year, and find others to share artistic inspiration with. And like your stuff while you like theirs.
Maybe along the way it's worth it to big bunches of people to opt out, while, for now, its worth it to others to keep on.
Maybe a long term relationship is a little wobbly donkey, who gets easily overburdened, and just needs to be cared for , and the enjoyed, while it slowly meanders along.
Most long term relationships I know are kind of tweaked. Being loved does not mean there is someone there who is interested in what interests you, what matters to you, what you create, or what your dreams are.
And, funny thing, most times they ( and us) think they are. Interested in all those things.
Most long term relationships I know are filled with factors many of my single friends thought were grounds for breaking up or divorce.
As if flushing while you're in the shower, your artwork boring them , not wanting to do stuff with you, being unable to be alone with the kids without losing it, being unwilling to do finances together, not being interested in your birthday, or not helping dig the grave for the dog because they hated having pets... as if all that isn't right in the thick of a long term relationship.
That even includes being madly in love while absolutely not being able to stand certain traits.
A long term relationship is like a unique garden that somehow takes root, often in the most surprising places. That stutters and struggles, and all the while grows deep beautiful things. And not the things you expected or were hoping for.
More than once, old friends have disowned me ,for suggesting that their midlife or 50's or 60's fantasy yearnings, just around the corner, for this stylized Soul Mate, who asks you what you truly want...just might not be real life stuff.
Just might be something I myself have never seen anyone ever bump into, or live.
Maybe real life love is messy. Maybe you have to deal with kids by yourself, even if ideologically your beloved doesn't believe in sex roles. Maybe you need to come up with your own delicious birthday plan every year, and find others to share artistic inspiration with. And like your stuff while you like theirs.
Maybe along the way it's worth it to big bunches of people to opt out, while, for now, its worth it to others to keep on.
Maybe a long term relationship is a little wobbly donkey, who gets easily overburdened, and just needs to be cared for , and the enjoyed, while it slowly meanders along.
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