Sometimes we just go along, learning and clarifying and sitting mindfully with the confusing tough crap in our lives,and it settles a bunch and comes clear.
It comes clear in this way we've never noticed or realized before.
And what we see, as it somehow settles on down, sliding past most of our make believe facades we've been unknowingly propping up all these years, is the greater actuality.
That now smashes us up sideways. We wonder if it's going to take us out by the knees.
So we keep settling and letting go and settling and letting go, knowing that if we can just hold out,without sublimating or self medicating or avoiding or dissociating, we just might come face to face with the clearest view we've managed to have so far.
And it's so so far from our little unbeknownst-to-you Disney movie.
It's so far from what we've been making our efforts towards, growing or building, with that family or partner or dear old friend.
And when they see us see them in real time, they are so pissed off at us.
As if us getting clear, and seeing past their posturing, or the garden variety self deceit we all mostly engage in, in our fault alone.
In fact, 9 times out of 10, if they are in proximity to each other, they get together to make strategy, to soften the rough tough experience of us possibly saying nothing at all about the new stark view. Of them. Real time. Real world.
But they catch sight of each other, and unconsciously band together , triangulating with each other and against us, together shoring up their defenses.
It comes clear in this way we've never noticed or realized before.
And what we see, as it somehow settles on down, sliding past most of our make believe facades we've been unknowingly propping up all these years, is the greater actuality.
That now smashes us up sideways. We wonder if it's going to take us out by the knees.
So we keep settling and letting go and settling and letting go, knowing that if we can just hold out,without sublimating or self medicating or avoiding or dissociating, we just might come face to face with the clearest view we've managed to have so far.
And it's so so far from our little unbeknownst-to-you Disney movie.
It's so far from what we've been making our efforts towards, growing or building, with that family or partner or dear old friend.
And when they see us see them in real time, they are so pissed off at us.
As if us getting clear, and seeing past their posturing, or the garden variety self deceit we all mostly engage in, in our fault alone.
In fact, 9 times out of 10, if they are in proximity to each other, they get together to make strategy, to soften the rough tough experience of us possibly saying nothing at all about the new stark view. Of them. Real time. Real world.
But they catch sight of each other, and unconsciously band together , triangulating with each other and against us, together shoring up their defenses.
~
Reassuring each other that, in fact ,the only real problem is us.
But posturing and self deception and defensive story telling are old old games, age old hobbies .
And no matter what we want to believe, there is this really really good probability they might choose marginalizing us, instead of looking to see if what we've caught sight of has any veracity at all.
Which is our clue to step back and back and back ,and shift those boundaries to a better place.
To let go let go let go,of our old hopes and dreams and yearnings and assumptions.
To settle on down, farther into our own life. Into our own honesty, our own precious focus, and then turn, and quietly bring it on home.
But posturing and self deception and defensive story telling are old old games, age old hobbies .
And no matter what we want to believe, there is this really really good probability they might choose marginalizing us, instead of looking to see if what we've caught sight of has any veracity at all.
Which is our clue to step back and back and back ,and shift those boundaries to a better place.
To let go let go let go,of our old hopes and dreams and yearnings and assumptions.
To settle on down, farther into our own life. Into our own honesty, our own precious focus, and then turn, and quietly bring it on home.
No comments:
Post a Comment