6.28.17 Regaining the big picture

     I woke early this morning, surrounded by four footeds, large and small. The brave new light of earth's day shining in the windows. 
I'd had a perfectly nice dream in process, til a bit of macabre had woken me, and quickly.
     But the wondrous thing about being almost 65.... well, there are so many tough things and wonderful things, truly, but one is that , when you are feelings anxiety about an upcoming event, you can both anticipate it's probability, and the signs are easy to read.
     There is something I am starting out on today , some new possibility that will not crash and burn, or pan out ,for a bit. Something multifaceted and welcome and maybe impossible and perhaps not. Something that, heading towards, will focus on a line of items important to try to address anyway.
     So last night I took an evening walk and let slip the day's twists and turns, one by one. Watching feelings and thoughts rise up , tug at me, and slip on by.
     I headed into bed early without further ado.
     And now this morning, it is time for the letting go.
     When there is something I very much would like, I sit with it and I let go.
     It's just common sense, really.
     If it's a job, letting go cools you out, helps you settle into a calm confidence, and makes it more possible to be interviewed, to be explained to, to try out.
     If it's a lover, letting go untangles your grasped fingers from dreams and yearnings and all, that you're inadvertently splashing all over somebody else; your errant needs, just knotting up possibility.
     If it's a home, letting go seems to let you acknowledge your ( sometimes fervent ) preferences, and then helps you regain a big big big perspective.
     Pulling back, pulling yourself back, until, instead of you and an endless fantasy of dreams answered and all, you plop yourself back into the cosmos at large. The world at large.
     Where you regain your big picture, where you let go of the racing-about needs and hopes and grabby imaginings.
     Where you let go of ideas and feelings and settle back into just what is happening now.
     The sunrise outside my window is something rather eloquent today, deep blues and wispy clouds and the same orange along the edges that was visiting last night.
     So I'm going to sit here, with my dozing dog, with my half awake cats, with the approaching light, and settle down into meditation.
    Letting go letting go letting go.