Often in our
lives, that which is dire arrives at our doorstep, accompanied by the
handmaidens of love, of letting go, of trust.
We, who have had
lives as the ants do, the Oak and the bear. Of events, blessings, quiet
sunrises and ethereal moments. Of love, affection, nourishment and tragedy.
Divinely encountering each other, and our selves, as we respond and learn. As
it all takes seed, grows beneath the
rains and sun and seasons. Comes to its own inimitable fruition. Dies. Time
immemorial.
And so, love is
here. Within and without us. To be seen and inhaled and breathed and spoken, or
remain unseen, a great good existence we may or may not retain awareness of.
Beyond love lies
this land of essence. The mundane, the paltry habits of worry and meaningless
speech cast away. The uselessness of anticipation settled up on a shelf. The
concern that we are not appreciating what may be the last of so very much, in
the corporeal realm, left behind without a thought. For love, and what has been
and shall be, becomes far too real and of such precious certainty.
Days become
essential. Learning slowly how life has always been about letting go.
Learning about
the present reality of a limited time, here, with a beloved, that we always
were aware of, but never were brought up against, brings to us what matters
most.
We discover that ometimes
being brought to our knees is grace itself.
There, down on
the ground, we discover that we know how to do this. That it is not about
speculation or what the days may possibly hold, but about now. This moment. And
then this one. As we always knew.
And so, we and
our loved ones live this moment. And the next. And next. Of course with
planning. Strategy. Positioning everything as well as can be, for what may and
will come into our lives.
And then? We sit
back. Breathing. Not trying. No explaining.
Not making an effort to drink in this moment,
knowing at some point there will be no more of them. Because that simply does
not work. Not at all.
Instead, we just
breathe. We keep our eyes open and approach each situation the best we can. We
care for each other. We care for ourselves. We become pared down to common
sense and wisdom.
We sit by the
stream, following our breath, for hours. For nights, watching the moon and
stars move silently across the darkened branches, the night sky.
We observe
powerful sad emotions and thoughts come up from the stream, rile through our
body, wonder if we can physically survive, and learn that we can.
Thoughts and
emotions erupt and move within us and through us and we keep breathing and
feeling and saying “Oh, that was such a sad thought. Emotion.” And they pass on
by, moving downstream, and we catch our breath.
With each one we
are present for, that we do not avoid with activity or distraction, we land a
little bit more.
We discover the
solace of what is in life right now a little bit more. We manage to become
present. To follow. To trust.
In sleepless nights,
watching the stars and moon, knowing the earth is turning, is in an orbit, has
been for so very long, we let go and trust. That if this is true, we can trust
so much. We can let go of so much.
We begin to
realize that our whole lives have been about love. About letting go. We have
been learning to move along, learning, breathing, becoming increasingly adept.
Learning how and when to deeply trust.
All that is not
essential falls away. The words, the conversation, the worries, the social amenities.
Somehow they no long fit at all, anywhere. We lost patience for what is not
essential. We move into the essence of the life of our beloved. Of loved ones.
Of ourselves.
We haven’t a
thought of being concerned for others. That they understand. There is no room,
nor time. It is not essential. And we trust what is true for us.
This is the path
I accompanied, but never traveled. This is the path we imagine, we fear. Oh,
but for the grace of God….
But there is only
love here. Learning and settling and the vast uncertainty we already were born
and bred upon.
And as the chaff
falls away, we are left with trust. With being present. Time passes, our
questions and fears and concerns slowly settle. The path not easy. But simply a
version of life we already knew. Loved. Navigated. Not the unknown we feared,
we turned away from in our imaginings.
The love and
letting go moving breath by breath. Grace filling each moment. Beyond love.
