10.31.15 We did take our good time

   This morning I wondered about the car, so there was no customary walk to stretch out big boy muscles . 
       He was itch itchy all day , revealing how he would be without his usual two walks a day, chasing cats and bringing me toys and wanting to bite and wrestle and b- o-r-e-d. 
         Thankfully my beloved checked the car ( ok) and then left with the car, and finally returned with the car , but late, so darkness had fallen . 
         But still ,off we happily went to Summit Road, and strolled up and down , while he pseudo hunted in the grasses, doing those funny dog- fox- coyote-wolf bunny hops, to flush out small creatures . 
         The leaves crumbling under our feet shone beneath the heavily overcast skies that, nevertheless, held behind them a waning moon still full of brightness. So all was muffled light deep blue, but everything visible . 
         As the wind raced along the small mountain range, and angling along the road and leaves and grasses and things, we did take our good time .

 

10.31.15 LIke a story, a symbolic dream, the small mountain leaning, the house tiny and perched.

Last year in the late afternoon I was leaving Dave Rodrigues' office, after being given a remarkable acupressure session, when the sight of the small home beneath the tall Mt. Sugarloaf gave me pause. Like a fairy tale story , or a symbolic dream, the small mountain leaning ; the house tiny and perched . As if nothing else existed in that moment , in the whole world .

 

10.30.15 Boyo, on the illimitable Kestrel Lane.

10.30.15 One of my Favorite Places. Truly like a painting.

10.30.15 Wild boyo, halfway a-bed.

10.30.15 As a wind passes and all the Pines whisper again

Warming day , all kinds of skies changing it up, as we wander about a Pine Forest, breathing deeply the scent of old and new needles. , the fresh water of the pond shimmering in the fall sunlight , as a wind passes, and all the pines whisper again.

 

10.30.15 So, imagine you and others are standing in this cave

Cuervade Jas Manos, Argentina. So, imagine you and others are standing in this cave, with minerals mixed with water. You hold your left hand up , use a blowpipe to spray the paint from your mouth through the pipe into your hand and the wall. 11,000-7,000 BC. Right? Long long long long ago. Then you left, went on with your life. Stunning. Like so many alive shadows, of those who stood there and painted , then stood back, pleased. Indeed, here now, far from this cave, I'm filled with pleased.

10.30.15 The eloquent beauty of a fall day,

 the Birch leaves rained away, blown away - gathered upon the ground.As towering clouds creep upon us, hawks call one to the other and the day falls quietly into our lap .

 

10.29.15 Our own power multiplies. We leave behind vapid obsession. We grow our own resilience. We shine.

        When we are parents and they have grown and flown the coop, and maybe we have a partner. , and normal life is just quite nutso and ever so precarious, 
        and we thought we did all that growing crap of letting go of the kid(s) and accepting them pretty darn well, settling ourselves with how we sucked and then how we were wonderful as parents 
   and we turn back to rediscover our lives , and that goes pretty ok, and maybe we even settle stuff better with our partner. 
        Then time passes and we grow older and stuff with kids complicates in these ways we never imagined , and don't even think is necessary , and maybe has a bit too much dramah.... but there you go , it is what it is. 
        We do the best we can to resettle ourselves once again. Remembering being their ages and knowing we didn't have a clue and they don't 
        And if they have kids or think of having a kid or plan on it, certainly they know in their heart of hearts that it's going to turn out SO much better than their own upbringing , no offense to anyone, because you of course were great, and your shortcomings are really ok don't worry , but actually they are never ever ever going to ____________ fill in the blank. Move so much. Homeschool. Feed them clothe them do stuff like that. 
         In fact, what we all know before we 're ever parents is that we will be the first ones ever in the history of the world to do everything so correctly that a big bunch of crap will never ever go down in our lives or our relationship or with our kids. 
        So while we are getting older and that scares the crap out of them even if we're still in our sixties for gods sake, our growing weakness alarms them. And inspires them to greater heights of self certainty .kind of magical. Kind of getting the feel around the parameters of when/ if they will want to take more control. Circling . A phenomena more common if there is more than one kid. 
        And we are older but still strong, just edging up on some difficult crap 
        It's now once again that people who are parents discover the need to leave all this behind , all these surprises and concerns and confusions , and just go to ground . To just focus on what works.
        Just do that all over again, where we locate ourselves and we clarify the deal to ourselves and we settle down and over a bunch of days pull back and get clear about what is and isn't ours. 
        And reconfigure our lives and choices and consequences and oh , those disappointments ! 
        And just deal with the options we have, what it is we want. What focus we want to reinstate . To get moving in a good direction. For us . 
        What tiny baby steps we might push push ourselves toward, in bits and pieces , becoming our own best cheerleader. Grasping the situation of our life , tossing out the window all the concerns and tangled up crap that actually doesn't matter. 
        With our certainly more than good enough day we have here, before us.
        We remember for the zillionth time how to let go of all kinds of stuff we've been struggling against ,and turn to something else that is fun or helps or feels good or builds us or matters . 
        It's funny how often we need to remind ourselves to turn in, to tuck in to our own life, in devotion, to grow all that gorgeous grace.
        When we spend our time on what fills us, and practice honest detachment with the stuff that is not ours or that we cannot change. Then we find that
        Our own power multiplies . We flex our confidence and strength. We leave behind vapid obsession. We grow our own resilience. We shine .