5.29.17 i thought you heard this

A nothing day arrived with its
shirred moments of
thick curled mist
and bottomless skies

I thought you heard this
from so far away
The song come to you
through the trees

5.29.17 i smile at this person

     Down by the farmers fields today, we went by the horses to make sure they were in their stalls, then drove to the end of the road to make sure there weren't memorial day visitors, then went back up the dirt road, and parked. Went for a nice walk, the flowers from the trees falling down upon the ground like snow.
    When we got back by the car, waiting, was a pick up truck. With a young woman in it. 
     She called out to me "I was just about to call the police about your car." 
     I got my dog, and said to her, "I'm sorry, was it in your way?"
     She said "Well, this is a private road."
     I smiled. Said " The town told me it's a town road. I am careful to never going onto the fields, that's private property, or down into any of the camps, that's private property. I always bring doggy bags. "
     She shook her head, said "No, I think that the town road ends way up there. So maybe you should just park at the beginning of the road. And the farmer that owns this land wouldn't want your car here, because sometimes he turns his tractor, and he hates it when people are in the way."
     I nodded. I said "I certainly can understand that. I've actually talked to him, many times, and to the farmer from that field over there and "pointing to another field, "and to the people on these camps here" I said, pointing to the camps. " i've met them all, we've had nice conversations. I know everyone comes by most days and checks on the camps, make sure they're OK. They all know I walk my dog here every day, all your round, even in the winter. They know I don't leave any waste behind. That I don't go on private property."
     My car was along the road, but not near or on any of the fields.
     She said "Well, I'm glad my boyfriend didn't come, because he would've yelled and screamed."
     I know I realized that she just said a whole bunch of things that weren't accurate or true. Go figure, in this day and age. I've actually called the Town-hall, to make sure that I'm not walking on private property, and they told me this whole dirt road was town property.
It's such a funny thing when people lie. One of the interesting things about people who lie is they keep at it. 
     They keep poking around, saying this and saying that, and each time it turns out to not be accurate, or the person they're talking to shows evidence that they know it's not true. And the person lying thinks nothing of it. 
     As if they weren't even caught in a lie. 
     As if they didn't even show the person that they lie. 
     It's like, as soon as their lie is disproved, the primary recourse is to just move on. To the next thing. Or the next lie. Which ever comes first. 
     Which is what throws us off, when dealing with somebody who tosses out lies. 
I mean, I don't know this person. They're my neighbor, and now I've met them. 
     I've met all the neighbors in this area where I walk. And a bunch of them near where I live. 
     And all you know about your neighbors is what you encounter, when you meet up with them. Which is a really good reason not to just toss out lies, left and right. 
     Unless it's feeding some hunger you have. Some unmet need. Some itch. In which case, it might not compute to you that you are showing a stranger, who is your neighbor, time after time, that you lie. 
     That, in fact, you're a liar. Which is what we often think, when someone stands in front of us and lies over and over and over and over again.
     I remember different times in my life when I was younger, telling lies. I remember what itch it was scratching. I remember how perilously anxious I felt, having lied. 
     I remember being brought up by liars. 
     I remember having brothers who were not liars, how all of us somehow held tight to each other, and the values we were creating for ourselves. 
     I remember being 15, and deciding to never lie again. I remember why I decided that.
     So when I meet up with somebody, and they tell a "bold faced lie", meaning that it's standing there, the lie, for all to see, it really fascinates me.
     So here, down by the farmers fields, I smile at this woman. Who was saying one thing after another after another, without a hint of recognition that I in fact know otherwise. Without a hint that that registered to her. 
     And instead, she did the liar thing: she just popped on to the next lie. As if nothing had happened.
     I came out closer to her truck, and said "Oh,don't you worry about your boyfriend. That's fine if he gets upset. If I run into him, I'll just explain to him. I don't want to inconvenience anybody. But I will call the Townhall again, tomorrow, just to confirm what they told me before, about where the town owned road goes."
     She looked confused, then a little bit miffed, then a little bit taken aback.
      But, by then,I wasn't watching her anymore. 







I smiled, give a little wave, and headed toward my car. Which was nowhere near her family's camp. Which was nowhere near any private property. Just enjoying the day.

5.29.17 Liar types that lie

It's always curious to me, why liar types lie. They stand in front of you, and they lie, and it's visible right away. 
And they have no idea. 
It's as if they think they're hiding. 
It's as if they think that it won't play out. 
It's as if they think that they can just do this lying thing over and over, as if it's gonna work.
But lies don't work. They never pan out.
They always get revealed.
And then the liar becomes a liar, in everybody's eyes.

5.29.17 Just remember.

Make no mistake.

There isn't a trauma survivor 

that doesn't suffer a tenuous hold on life.

 

5.29.17 Woven back again

Sometimes there is
too much love
and too much gratitude
and too much sadness
and too much thought
Until finally the brusque wind
blows on through
and all is woven then
back into life