1.17.16 And, somehow, there you are.

     Sometimes a significant health challenge will either bring us to our knees, or deliver us unto solutions we were unable to approach before .              With my husband's serious health issues , and my own restricted health capacity, I chose to ride the wave of urgency and begin 
1. Daily juicing with a borrowed juicer 
2. To eat foods only from the ground , and no ground up grains. 
3. Until at least 1 year NED ( no evidence of disease ).
I also figured that while doing this , it would be more manageable for my husband .
     There is a growing database of people with Radical Remissions of cancer , and most of them eat this way, not because it's the best way of eating for everyone all the time , but because it's a very effective healing diet, if you're looking to heal anything up. 
     And for me, it's clear cut enough that my wiggly little monkey mind has no wiggle room . To croon or yearn or urge or persuade. 
     But, as always , if we approach these things as choices and not as whiney kids- if we don't pretend 'we have to' or ' I can't have' or. ' I'm not allowed' or. ' I had to give up', and rather , we make each decision each day from choosing the opportunity we really want , then the whole deal feels GOOD, instead of lousy, or one of deprivation.
     And though I helped people in my practice do all kinds of things like this for many years , still the benefits delight me. 
     Gravely eyes that feel dry and as if something is in them ,gone.
     Achey stiff hard to get up and walk in morning much better ( I kept thinking " Wow, I get worked on and I'm only 63. Flash forward to 83? 93? I want more than this. "
     Roaring crackling ears and hindered hearing improving 
     Intermittent vertigo better
     Chronic bronchitis getting there
     Intermittent numb/ cold extremities improving
     Nervous system stress and capacity to fall and remain asleep smoother
     Skin more resilient a bit less wrinkly , puffiness going away
     Digestion improving radically in all ways 

     Rushing to the bathroom (an over 50 Olympic category)     Energy and mood improving
     Ability to heal from chronic infections better
     Body streamlining
     It's never really about the 'bomb', meaning, it's not a set up about a ' big fun great Reward' , which,culturally , we're so used to . The lolly after the shot.
     It's just about finding the opening to rein ourselves in, however works nicely for us. Whatever on earth that may be.
    And sometimes hard hard circumstances roll on by, like a real slow train , with a few open doors . 
     And somehow , you're already standing there in the early morning light , cutting your losses, belongings on your back, heart on your sleeve , and the run and jump works, this time.

1.17.16 The break of day

Early in the morning
Bout the break of day

1.17.16 The endless cobalt heavens

Out in the yard 

an enormous white cloud

 sailed by

 as long as a great ship

sharply dividing the darkening earth

 and the endless cobalt heavens.

1.17.16 Looking and not looking

     Some people are good at not looking. At not over exposing themselves to all the difficulties in life, so they have enough information but aren't too overwhelmed. 
     Others are really good at looking. Partially out of having learned that acquiring an accurate frame of reference supports the most helpful responses we can have. Those individuals often have difficulty muting their sensitivity, and end up habitually going around looking at all kinds of things no one can really tolerate very well.
There really is a cost-benefit to choices, and what fits really depends on who we are.
     And then there is modulating, so that if we're looking just enough but not too much, we can take it day by day.
     So that we garner a clear sense of the situation, without laying ourselves to waste.
     In dire situations, the whole deal changes. The whole deal is too much, really. And yet, in what other situation is the measured acquisition of accurate information, coupled with us finding ways of settling ourselves, more vital, to develop the best sense of how to proceed, and how to be.
     Sometimes in dire situations, we engage in the helpful balm of distancing, compartmentalizing, and detachment to allow us to find some ease in our days, because unrelenting focus is no help at all.
     But it's important to remember periodically what in fact we are doing. What dynamic we are engaged in. An overview, now and then .
     Simply because, as we move down the road of whatever experience we're having , thinking we are healthily modulating our focus, we may be avoiding the hard deal of truly looking.

     Of examining,and collating information that possibly just might save the day.

 

1.16.16 Scooting on down Mexico way

      When I was 18, my boyfriend and I decided to leave Long Island University, take off across the country, and escape our parents, finally moving to Albuquerque just in time for the '72 riots,  I waitressed while studying art at the university. 

     One weekend afternoon, we decided with a bunch of old and new friends to drive to Mexico for dinner. 

     In those days, doing 110 on the highway was nothing, so with some Santana blaring on the 8 track, our two cars finally arrived ,at a restaurant one of them had been to in the past . It was pitch black by then, late, but the place was still open, a beautiful stone courtyard beneath a canopy of trees ,surrounding a low lying adobe building, with an open interior lit by so many lamps and candles .      We were seated, someone knew Spanish, and we were gradually served a wide array of beautiful dishes with excruciating aromas.         Each one was more delicious than the last, and while our eyes and noses streamed and we panted and sweat poured down our faces, we still were powerless to stop consuming the meal. 

     I think aside from the first dish my husband cooked for me 

(Starving Student brown rice with onions and peppers ), it was the most incredible dish I've ever had.