The day was broad and open, the big-sky-country vast as anything. As I facetimed with my beloved, far away, and walked the pup down the farmers fields roads, sun blazing, wind buffeting, hawk circling, day glowing.
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
6.3.17 Out in the emerald spring
We have this tiny spring-fed pond by the fields, that completely dried up for the first time, during the drought last year. I was so sad. An entire ecosystem, gone.
And yet, this year, we are blessed, with rain and more rain.
I stopped by, to enjoy watching the Redwing Blackbird babies fledging , and the wind fluttering across the fresh waters.
Soon I noticed frogs Ra-rupping.
And I thought about how, when the flow is enough, a few fish eggs may be swept back in.
The persistence of life, and ecosystems, left me filled, right there and then, with love, and gratitude.
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1331515873551860/
6.2.17 It can be so confusing
It can be so confusing, to
find ourselves in our 60s, often times with grown children. Confusing, because
when we're raising them, it's our responsibility to do our best to support
them, and arrange things.
To facilitate good relationships with friends, with teachers, to help them have nice birthdays, good relations with neighbors, and so much more. It's really our job to see if we can help them learn good navigating skills, be good, honest and respectful people in the world, and then, smooth the way.
As they make their way, as our babies or toddlers or children or adolescents or young adults.
The confusing part comes when they are adults, grown and on their own.
Because it becomes time to grow our own selves up, to stop facilitating or arranging things. And find the courage to face the reality that is our kid today, that is our life today.
Even harder, is realizing that we might be deluding ourselves about who they are, or what they think of us.
To let the pieces fall where they may.
Sometimes, if enough tough things happen in a family , we discover that maybe one kid or another doesn't necessarily think we are all that great. Sometimes, in distress, they look for someone to blame, or better yet, someone to triangulate against.
Sometimes with stressful events, our kid shows their true colors. And then, we are unfathomably shocked.
We stop, and then try to see how we have kept our selves from noticing this.
They show their colors, and now we know.
Most of us, when we are parenting younger children, we know that we are going to be the best parents that ever existed.
In fact, we are going to be such great parents, none of the problems the other people face are going to happen to us or kid.
It's just one of the things that people think, until they grow up enough to realize that a whole bunch of weird shit happens. No matter how the kind honest attentive and caring parent you are.
Parenting, from the beginning to the end is like a great sweep of wind in winter, shaking loose the weaknesses, clarifying the strengths.
And at a certain point, like every other species, when our young are able and off on their own, it is time for us to cultivate our own garden.
To facilitate good relationships with friends, with teachers, to help them have nice birthdays, good relations with neighbors, and so much more. It's really our job to see if we can help them learn good navigating skills, be good, honest and respectful people in the world, and then, smooth the way.
As they make their way, as our babies or toddlers or children or adolescents or young adults.
The confusing part comes when they are adults, grown and on their own.
Because it becomes time to grow our own selves up, to stop facilitating or arranging things. And find the courage to face the reality that is our kid today, that is our life today.
Even harder, is realizing that we might be deluding ourselves about who they are, or what they think of us.
To let the pieces fall where they may.
Sometimes, if enough tough things happen in a family , we discover that maybe one kid or another doesn't necessarily think we are all that great. Sometimes, in distress, they look for someone to blame, or better yet, someone to triangulate against.
Sometimes with stressful events, our kid shows their true colors. And then, we are unfathomably shocked.
We stop, and then try to see how we have kept our selves from noticing this.
They show their colors, and now we know.
Most of us, when we are parenting younger children, we know that we are going to be the best parents that ever existed.
In fact, we are going to be such great parents, none of the problems the other people face are going to happen to us or kid.
It's just one of the things that people think, until they grow up enough to realize that a whole bunch of weird shit happens. No matter how the kind honest attentive and caring parent you are.
Parenting, from the beginning to the end is like a great sweep of wind in winter, shaking loose the weaknesses, clarifying the strengths.
And at a certain point, like every other species, when our young are able and off on their own, it is time for us to cultivate our own garden.
5.30.17 It's complicated, isolation
Isolation is a weird
invasive thing.
You can be not lonely.You can do your best to engineer some human interchanges.
Maybe even a get together with someone who means something to you, every few days.
But if there is chronic illness that precludes working or more sustained social contact, the impact of isolation slowly sweeps in.
And it's confusing, intangible. You can be pretty happy,be quietly relishing life. You can be accepting that which you cannot change right now, and appreciative of all the gifts you have, from who you are, to amazing things not everyone has,Ike safety, clean water, enough food and warmth and a comfortable place to sleep.
But if you go one, two, three or four days without more sustained contact with other people, something in your infrastructure begins to erode.
If you were to look analytically, you could mistakenly take to task any number of line items, when in fact they will be wobbling out of balance simply because the underlying infrastructure of getting basic human needs met is not being met.
And it's complicated. Because if you just go get yourself into contact with, say, a bunch of crabby people once a week having some sort of conversation, you could posit that a numerical value would be negligible, in terms of capacity to rebalance human social needs.
Whereas, in an ideal world, a 20 minute conversation with someone you know well, have shared history with, that involved much mutual caring, will last for days.
Different types of social interactions or even beneficial pleasurable solitary experiences will exert different impacts on adequate or inadequate social interaction.
Inadequate social interaction makes most, if not all, of your vulnerable affects more wobbly.
If the deficit is sustained, soon enough one or more of your secondary challenges will shake apart enough to look like a significant problem in and of itself. When, in fact, it's simply inadequate social connection.
Which is tough,because as we grow older, if we love long enough, we begin losing any joy meet of people we were connected to, who reflect Bank to us our selves, and our lives today.
Which is why it's good to learn how on earth we can problem solve better living situations,
If possible. That's #1.
Where we have autonomy and reasonable enough privacy ( combined maybe with earphones, earplugs or noise machines. Where we have the option of sharing meals now and then, it simple innocuous, easily successful things like movie night or shopping together or card game day.
We can figure out what we are capable, energy wise and transportation wise, and try to come up with something we can do once a week to connect with others and offer our supports. Like mentoring or tutoring a kid in school, or helping someone learn ESL.
Course, people with chronic illness often have to see if the living situation is a possibility, due to the unpredictable nature if knowing what we can do and when.
But it is a valuable thing to problem solve. To research books to take out of the library or good reliable places to search online.
The toughest issues for isolation for people who experience chronic illness are 1. Feeling a burden to others 2. Being doubted with regards to health issues and 3. Uncertain how to come up with workable solutions.
But sometimes we can learn what combination of connections can do it for us.
For example, sometimes when I've been by myself for a couple of days, I find that if I end up having a conversation with my neighbor about the new hawk in the neighborhood, have a laugh with the post person at the post office, get help at the library finding a certain book, and think of a valid question to call and ask someone, then together, those end up being just about enough.
If I supplement that with keeping up in searches for good non-fiction and fiction books to request from the library system, and a simple meal to delight, I find I'm pretty ok.
Everybody has their ways of offering connection to others, and getting their needs met.
It's just important for us to learn the signs of being too isolated, to not fall into the trap if assuming our worth is lousy if we find ourselves in this situation, realize that if we get needy or get angry at people for not showing up, we will just drive them away, and then settle down and take responsibility for figuring out how to keep our needs met.
You can be not lonely.You can do your best to engineer some human interchanges.
Maybe even a get together with someone who means something to you, every few days.
But if there is chronic illness that precludes working or more sustained social contact, the impact of isolation slowly sweeps in.
And it's confusing, intangible. You can be pretty happy,be quietly relishing life. You can be accepting that which you cannot change right now, and appreciative of all the gifts you have, from who you are, to amazing things not everyone has,Ike safety, clean water, enough food and warmth and a comfortable place to sleep.
But if you go one, two, three or four days without more sustained contact with other people, something in your infrastructure begins to erode.
If you were to look analytically, you could mistakenly take to task any number of line items, when in fact they will be wobbling out of balance simply because the underlying infrastructure of getting basic human needs met is not being met.
And it's complicated. Because if you just go get yourself into contact with, say, a bunch of crabby people once a week having some sort of conversation, you could posit that a numerical value would be negligible, in terms of capacity to rebalance human social needs.
Whereas, in an ideal world, a 20 minute conversation with someone you know well, have shared history with, that involved much mutual caring, will last for days.
Different types of social interactions or even beneficial pleasurable solitary experiences will exert different impacts on adequate or inadequate social interaction.
Inadequate social interaction makes most, if not all, of your vulnerable affects more wobbly.
If the deficit is sustained, soon enough one or more of your secondary challenges will shake apart enough to look like a significant problem in and of itself. When, in fact, it's simply inadequate social connection.
Which is tough,because as we grow older, if we love long enough, we begin losing any joy meet of people we were connected to, who reflect Bank to us our selves, and our lives today.
Which is why it's good to learn how on earth we can problem solve better living situations,
If possible. That's #1.
Where we have autonomy and reasonable enough privacy ( combined maybe with earphones, earplugs or noise machines. Where we have the option of sharing meals now and then, it simple innocuous, easily successful things like movie night or shopping together or card game day.
We can figure out what we are capable, energy wise and transportation wise, and try to come up with something we can do once a week to connect with others and offer our supports. Like mentoring or tutoring a kid in school, or helping someone learn ESL.
Course, people with chronic illness often have to see if the living situation is a possibility, due to the unpredictable nature if knowing what we can do and when.
But it is a valuable thing to problem solve. To research books to take out of the library or good reliable places to search online.
The toughest issues for isolation for people who experience chronic illness are 1. Feeling a burden to others 2. Being doubted with regards to health issues and 3. Uncertain how to come up with workable solutions.
But sometimes we can learn what combination of connections can do it for us.
For example, sometimes when I've been by myself for a couple of days, I find that if I end up having a conversation with my neighbor about the new hawk in the neighborhood, have a laugh with the post person at the post office, get help at the library finding a certain book, and think of a valid question to call and ask someone, then together, those end up being just about enough.
If I supplement that with keeping up in searches for good non-fiction and fiction books to request from the library system, and a simple meal to delight, I find I'm pretty ok.
Everybody has their ways of offering connection to others, and getting their needs met.
It's just important for us to learn the signs of being too isolated, to not fall into the trap if assuming our worth is lousy if we find ourselves in this situation, realize that if we get needy or get angry at people for not showing up, we will just drive them away, and then settle down and take responsibility for figuring out how to keep our needs met.
5.30.17 Unfolding
Beauty doesn't make anything aok;
it just means that while we stumble along
with this day we are given, there is heartbreaking beauty. That's all .
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1330292477007533/
Kestrel Lane, unfolding its' emerald grasses and its' long mysterious pathway , on an early June morn.
it just means that while we stumble along
with this day we are given, there is heartbreaking beauty. That's all .
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1330292477007533/
Kestrel Lane, unfolding its' emerald grasses and its' long mysterious pathway , on an early June morn.
5.30.17 No use at all
I knew it was no use to workout to lose weight or get married;
you need to workout to workout.
So imagine my surprise when I had to learn that you don't go working hard to be the bestest most loving honest parent so everything will be ok and the family will be close and you'll have a nice loving relationship with your kids.
Because it just doesn't work like that.
What it is, is we do what we believe in and what makes sense and be the person we believe in, and then we got to let go of the outcome...and maybe it works out nicely, and maybe not so much.
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1328710000499114/
you need to workout to workout.
So imagine my surprise when I had to learn that you don't go working hard to be the bestest most loving honest parent so everything will be ok and the family will be close and you'll have a nice loving relationship with your kids.
Because it just doesn't work like that.
What it is, is we do what we believe in and what makes sense and be the person we believe in, and then we got to let go of the outcome...and maybe it works out nicely, and maybe not so much.
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1328710000499114/
5.30.17 New lives, good parents
This morning, I went to
work out. In the parking lot, I noticed 11 big birds, circling about, far
overhead. I watched them for a while, imagining they were turkey vultures, so
beautiful against the sky. But none were wobbling, and soon I realized they were
hawks, with newly fledged babies. Playing with each other, sometimes one of the
two families flying around around in circles together. Just unmistakably
beautiful. Too bad I take all my pictures with an iPhone, and you can't really
see what you're pointing at! Just touched me. New lives, good parents.
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1328382513865196/
Newly fledged baby
Hawks,
flying in a circle with their parents
flying in a circle with their parents
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1328387180531396/
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