9.16 15 Laughing the way dogs do

 I taught my 2 year old German Shepherd how to play hide and seek with his toys . 

When I was 24, I was sick also, for three years home . Kevin got me a Shepherd pup for my birthday, and she and I did everything together. I taught her a huge vocabulary of words , and would bring her to fields to hit balls for her to chase. 

The Seventh Day Adventist Hospital in Alabama taught me hydrotherapy. , which fixed me, so I went back to UMass , and Sara would come to all my classes , an enormous Black and Tan , and wait quietly . When I'd go see my brothers in Boston, she'd sit outside the restaurant and wait. I never even trained her .That's what Shepherds are like . 

Dante is 2 1/2 now, and getting his size. . He brings me a toy and waits to be sent from the room so I can hide it. I yell "Okayyyy!" And he races back in , always looking in the previous hidden spots, in order . 

When he discovers the hidden toy, I yell. "Yea!!!!"'and clap my hands and make lots of hooting hollering noise. It kind of makes up for him living this quiet life here, with me. 

Twice a day he gets walks , a larger and a smaller . My morning allowance is spent on his walk, and doing any dishes . We go somewhere different every day, rain or shine , snow or ice or darkness . 

If you get a large dog , walks are non- negotiable. We have to go places where it's fun and interesting but there are no dogs or people , because he's afraid of dogs and people and fire extinguishers and cars parked differently and trikes and wheelchairs and skateboards and new objects. 

When he's scared, he looks absolutely terrifying, despite much training and consults when he was younger, and herbs and fancy collars . Now I just give him a wonderful life and stay away from all his feared things .

When we play, he laughs the way dogs do, and grins like dogs do , especially when he's found a particularly sneaky hiding place , and I push him around and wrestle with him because he loves to play rough, and really , I'm the only dog here.

9.15.15 Long ago and far away

9.15.15 Call of the wild

When the wind shakes home and window and rustles the trees with gentle affection, there is the call of the wild.

 

9.15.15 A long walk in the welcoming darkness

We used to joke and jostle each other out of bad moods, all those traps of miserable confusing emotions, mimicking a conductor yelling, our hand sideways to our mouths, face lifted with great seriousness "Leaving Desolation Row! Next stop, nerrrrrvannnaaaa."

The other would leap up, bash you in the arm or tackle you, all teenaged long limbs flying, some good quality shrieking, and then we'd go outside and take a long walk in the welcoming darkness.

9.15.15 Anything you want

It was so odd, and yet not a surprise, how at 15, if I asked him to run into a store to get directions, he'd come out with these little tiny bits of paper, with phone numbers on them. 

It began happening all the time, and he'd just look at me, shrug,and dump them into the car's console. 

     My family had this going on, this weird thing sent down through generations, where someone might not be beautiful according to the current criteria , but had some sort of cultural compulsion going on. They might not even be nice, or decent, but people would be inexplicably drawn. 

I knew a whole family I grew up with, that was like that. Yeah, tall and anglo, blonde even, but not beautiful. And yet, wherever any of them went, it was like some weird fairy not-nice-godmother cast a spell,and they were followed about like the Pied Piper. 
      Once we were at a wedding of friends, who'd been together for years, had three teenagers, a beautiful farm way up in the hill towns with all kinds of animals, Reggae music blasting, their whole thing, so kind of nice. Their daughter caught a look at him, and was on it. I was like "Why why does this happen? Is it a smell? The undeniable bad boy thing?" Because there was a big serious bad boy thing happening at the time. A no good one.I just scooted us right out of there, pronto.  
      And so it was, that he encountered this. The younger ones learned to ignore and disarm the whole thing, I watched them. I have no explanation for it.I didn't like it at all. I saw all my siblings struggle with it. Funny, because it's not blatant classism or racism, but something far more odd and peripheral.

     Until he fell in love finally and married, everywhere he went, women were handing him the little papers, essentially saying as they gazed at him "Anything you want. Anything."

9.15.15 Lean back. Close eyes. There is no doing. Relax shoulders. Inhale deeply.

Lean back. 

Close eyes. 

There is no doing.

Relax shoulders. 

Inhale deeply. 

Into your belly. 

To the count of 7. 

Hold the breath.

Count to 7. 

Exhale noisily . Gustily. With drama. 

To the count of 8. 

Repeat 8x. 

Feel yourself melting and softening . 

You have been thinking of nothing but counting. 

Open your eyes. 

Sit up . 

Sigh. 

Smile . 

Off you go.

9.15.15 Sometimes it's just nice

Sometimes it's nice to just stop somewhere, and sit . On a bench. A wall. In the car. After a lifetime of so much to do. It feels like there is no doing at all, for once . No doing. Nowhere you are on your way to , or from. You can just sink far into the moment you have here in your hands. , and settle .