Being a devoted type of person, in the face of disabilities or illness in others, becomes a confusing path. Often enough in real life, in order to provide what others actually need, our choice involves putting ourselves aside.
Often enough, there simply are not enough resources for everyone, and , our thinking might go, if those we love are going to have enough of what we think they need, we make those choices.
Sometimes this is a temporary measure, such as with a child with biological or learning or behavioral challenges, when we use everything we have to problem solve and support growth. Change. New abilities.
Often times, this is vital and it works really well.
Often enough, with all this additional support, they end up growing up and managing on their own. Simply because we gave up things for our selves, and provided the very best of what we could.
Living choices like this can be tough, but the end result benefits us all, and gives parents a remarkable peace of mind. Take it from me. Take it from so many of us. For humans and environments and creatures and more.
Sometimes, for a partner who is very unhappy, or becomes very ill, we give up all sorts of things. Out of habit. Out of hope. Out of misunderstanding. And out of love.
We become confused by whose responsibility it is to address their unhappiness. As if we can lift and heave, so our kids and our days and our nights and our partner will be lifted up by our efforts, and head off with more happiness. More ability. More peace of mind.
We think this might be a temporary measure, just getting them over a hump.
Of their chronic dissatisfaction.
Of their gnawing emptiness.
Of an unhappiness they don’t seem to be able to address in a constructive way.
This path becomes more tangled up, complicated.
Perhaps we find ourselves doing without. Over and over. So they can have the nice things they crave.
More time for studies that never come to fruition.
The chance for them to go off to Italy, and recharge their spirit.
We trust them. We trust they see what we are doing, in order for them to have the special things.
We lose track.
The equation between what they say and what they do gnaws and becomes distant.
It’s our choice, our responsibility, and if, in the face of accepting these gifts, there grows dishonesty and betrayal, well then, what can we say?
We make our own very best choices, and then they play out their deal.
But what we do have, no matter the honesty or dishonesty of others, no matter their ability to live true and honestly or not, is our own integrity.
Our own learning curve. Our own capacity not to blame ourselves, for others weaknesses, or harm, but to stand up and turn, and say “Okay. I see what I chose to overlook. I know what I now need to learn.”
And then? We cherish ourselves. We turn back to our own lives; we do the work.
We buy ourselves beautiful bouquets of flowers.
We problem solve our own healing.
We take our selves on beautiful evening walks.
We cook that one delicious something we will quietly enjoy.
We make room for our own special things.
We buy our own warm soft socks and spend time relishing our own precious creations.
Self love, honoring our self, holds its own wisdom, and casts upon our lives the light of its own loving ways.
Waking up, wasting no time with self admonishment, and learning to accept what was all along.
With grace and tenderness for our own inimitable learning curve.
Waking to each new day, and going to sleep each cozy evening, knowing that we have the person we grow and accept and hold in such love.
