There are a lot of behavioral patterns we settle down into, in our lives, without really thinking about it. We have some experiences, begin telling ourselves that things are this way or that way, and there we are. Seeing the world that way. Responding that way. We forget that there's anything else.
One of these patterns is the defensive/shame setting. It's a tough boat to row, but favored by many. It's a pretty straightforward deal to run.
This one entails responding to every interaction by either reacting defensively, or shaming oneself.
Both are quick acting. They're not complex, , and don't require a lot of consideration or thought. Whenever anything happens, and you pop into one or the other setting, all discussion stops. All insight stops.
That might be the greatest advantage of this setting. You just have to choose one or the other option, to prevent anybody having any real conversation or inquiry with you anytime. Anywhere.
People use this one seem to let the defensive reaction predominate, alternating it intermittently with the shame setting.
The shame setting precludes the necessity to have to talk anything out with anybody.
And it's quite flexible, because you can pair it either with being so down on yourself that everyone feels badly for you, or you can pair it with antagonism. To drive people off.
The end result, in using the defensive/shame approach to life, is that you don't have to think too much.
For the most part, the only people you really develop a rapport with, or hang out with, are fellow defensivers, fellow shamers, people who will defense to your shame, or shame to your defense. A little tiny universe, in and of itself.
https://www.facebook.com/GwenMcClellanWordsandPictures/videos/1355073637862750/
No comments:
Post a Comment