Words and Pictures- Gwen McClellan

Sunday, September 27, 2015

9.27.15 So comforting to discover the ways in which we are, in fact , not alone.

9.27.15 Course , over here on the Group W Bench

It's tough stuff, this growing older. Sometimes, noticeably becoming unweller. At times, I'm certain each of us just want to let loose on someone within reach.

It truly begins to distort, to look like it's them . Until our intent for clarity enables us to come to, again, thank goodness. And realize what is in truth happening .

That they certainly are not perfect, the neighbor or relative or partner or offspring or friend. But it's not them- the drivers today or the clients or the boss or the ill fit of our home or our coming up against the distance between what we imagined a d the life we are living.

That it's all just a bit much.

And then we take it in hand. Do something to digest it. The sense of isolation. The private realities we each live and breathe Disappointments , shock and worry.

On better days, we sit up and stand and look it in the eye, and try to do something constructive with it. To soothe ourselves. Settle it a bit; that yes, it's true , it's like this now . And yes, it looks like that may follow.and then, well ,what is the best way to be kind to ourselves? Exchange empathy with others? And then ,live these days we are given?

Course , over here on the Group W Bench , I find myself saying to myself , very quietly now , as I walk toward the brilliant sunset down the cool dusty road tonight, after a tough day; watching new facial lines and creases appear and deepen just these past few days,
I say to myself

"Yeah, here I am. Yes, this is what's happening. To a whole lot of us. Since the beginning of time. And right now.

Man, just look at all the cool stuff behind and within and thick with this day.
And, hold on there honey. This here's not late 70s, 80s, 90s.
Cool your sweet self out. Pace yourself ."

And then I smile ,a bit rueful, take a breath, and see what might be possible.

(P.S.- Had many tell me they felt this way, on Facebook. If you sometimes or often do, you are in excellent company.)

9.27.15 Hope is a thing that sputters

Hope gleams and sputters.

Hope walks with skinned knees and torn sneakers .

Hope relinquishes empty imaginings

and counts on what proves to be true blue

on high holy days

what with its reticent spin

and yet another rollicking song.

9.26.15 Finding ourselves surprised

It continually surprises me how in my mind most days, I have this way of thinking that is either hopeful , or delusional , where I anticipate what I 'will' do 'when' I have a bit of energy . Feel a bit better.
     To the credit of my sanity, it no longer involves bigger unlikely things, like working , errands or work in the house, closets or going anywhere , that I know are unlikely; nor looking up recipes and cooking them, or making things for someone . Doing things for others , which was such a pleasure.
     Each and every day as I rest, my mind prepares for the possibility of a good day, when a bit more may be possible . Dusting that part of the living room, wiping that place in the hall; doing something with the clutter on one shelf .
     Most days , I'm luckier than most, and I know this. For the most part , I have chronic infections down pat w naturopathic means . Inflammation rigorously reduced w herbs and homeopathics , so pain and dysfunction minimal. Being able to put the living room right, walk the dog , doing tiny reasonable bits at Planet Fitness, getting the dishes done , and then a few other things in between resting , napping between resting , and using the day 's allowance of energy early to wander a bit , take photos , and write , things I am forever delighted to have in my day.
     That gradual and profound resolution to the fact that most people will not understanding this quiet necessity of my life, and those with lives that are both sometimes better and sometimes far worse .
     Still , it surprises me , my self absolutely anticipating that one of these days a modest more may be possible . I guess that most of us retain this, as a tether , a bastion of hope , and a looking forward .

9.25.15 That which has a beginning and shall have an end.

Sometimes we just need to step aside. From the managing and the mindful being-with-what- is. The good sport and the knowledge that we are, unfortunately ,in good company , when we linger by the side of the path, taking a breather .
The feelings of tiresome enduring, and exhaustion tightening our breath. The way so unrelenting.

We step aside and let life pass by while we take our breaths , while we close our eyes , relax , and rest in that breath.

We take our time . Feel the sadness and disappointment; the worry and the concern . And when the rabid fear rises up, as it will, we tender our own selves , as we would any loved one.

Giving room for the grief, the despair, knowing it has a beginning ,and shall have an end..