4.2.16 Staying alive

     He'd asked me to stay, though I wasn't in any shape.

It was more than those around him could offer up, so I tried,

i tried and we had nice days and I did what 23 year olds do with 18 year old lovers, urging him to go go out into the world and stretch and plan. But he'd look at me for a long time and then I'd just as easily give on up and we'd tumble around and I'd forget about it all.

     I was unraveling and creating tangled up things daily, but he kept sweeping in and holding me up as if you could do anything else; as if that would help. 

Port in the storm and watch out below, and all that.

     But time passed, and still he was a fine friend always, what with that long dark blonde hair and his powerful stride. 

Always telling me stories of the place of kindness and poverty he came from, asking me questions about my own mess of an origin.

     He'd come with me while I scouted out the alleyways at night, to push the kids away before the cops came through. 

     All the younger kids on the streets would organize so someone would run and tell him when I was up at the youth center, working alone and there was a big fight, and they'd all get him. 

He'd take the stairs a bunch at a time and burst in while I was kicking away one kid and grabbing the other, yelling. 

He'd just defuse the whole thing by walking in. Then grin, play some amazing pool, and give me googley eyes the whole rest of the night, while the radio blared all our favorites songs, and I went ahead and grinned back.

     When I came up for air now and then, wrestling with old things that were coming from darkness into the light,I would just look at him and strain to see if I was harming his life in any long long way.

But he kept smiling and showing up, with coffee and more cigarettes and really the best ideas.

     He'd talk me out down Avenue C, to sit in the bright streaming sunlight with him all entwined. Down by the coop, we'd all listen to local stories, and everyone knew everyone and we'd all hoot and laugh as the day grew darker.

     After awhile, when people got ready to bring their cranky little ones off the street and home, or go make rounds of the bars, then the two of us would strike out, far into the woods, where he knew I was most at peace. Where noone was looking at all.