2.19.16 To let up.

    Sometimes, it's not such a bad idea, to let up on the 'good sport' thing. The 'STIFF upper lip' deal. The "I know we can do it, and I'll do it well' thingiemawhitchus. If it's not a time when letting up would let loose a tail spin, ending in a spectacular crash and burn, well then, why not let up a bit. And just walk or sit or grocery shop or work or drive or write or wash dishes while feeling all kinds of tired out and possibly hopeless or daunted, or simply out of push. 

     The really interesting thing about letting up on push push pushing...to take care of someone, to work enough, to get bills paid, to do the things that we need to do to keep up...is that we interrupt ourselves in the midst of some conviction we came upon, and have been maintaining with a steely grip, no matter how exhausting, ever since. 

     And not always, but sometimes, the huge relentless push is actually not needed. Not functional. 

     Sometimes, the keeping doing is necessary. It just is. Not to make us happy or more at ease with less mess or more comfy stuff in our lives. 

     Sometimes things are quite near enough to the wire, and doing without certain things is tough. 

     Managing to keep bringing in the fire wood, or figuring out nutritious, less costly meals, or getting to work and doing a good enough job, is right up there with some-days-seems-next-to-impossible. 

     And that's hard. But sometimes, we let up a little, and try out approaching the things we do with a little less forcefulness. With a little more leeway. 

     Where we still get what we in actuality need to get done, but we do it without all the unintended intensity, or sometimes, even drama, of the shove-grit-push. 

     Sometimes, if we take note, we can let back, relax, take a breath, and then go do those several more things before the day is done enough, and we can crash into bed, hopefully to sleep like a bear in winter.