Saturday, February 16, 2013






2.16.13       Riverlove







Office locked, work bags relegated to the car, I quickly rush through the mist laden parking lot of late afternoon, the sun impassive behind a thick wintry sky.

Tall mounds of plowed snow line the edges of  pavement; I begin to  clamber over , snow up to thighs;  I trudge, single-minded, to the very top, where finally an unobscured view of the rushing river lies below.

Here is the silence of  Thursday evening, not a human in sight. As I climb closer to the river, the air resounds with the crashing of small time Massachusetts ice floes, barreling down the waters, breakneck speed, smashing into this river bend, piling up like so many enormous beings, haphazard, one after the other, appendages flying, contravening into some irrepressible contusion.  They are one  to two feet thick, eight or ten feet across, glistening blue/grey/white, a startling and resplendent glow in the sunset, their iridescence heartstopping, as the frozen shapes continue round the bend from upstream and outwater areas of the Connecticut.

Hatfield, Sunderland, The Bashan, streaming round the glacial protrusion of Mount Toby, through old and small town friend Montague, and up up coursing beneath The French King Bridge, a cantilever arch creation from 1932, where an ominously wealthy (for this area) land owner traveled one day to pitch himself over the edge, (a multifarious  contemplation, the arrival, the perch, the push off, the disastrous landing…) leaving behind a life of land acquisition, a wife now dead and gone, a legendary capacity for poker, scotch, the profane, and finally a dramatic flight from quickly approaching cantankerous age and solitary illness.

Yet here, today, the downstream river crooks and twists, oxbows at times, and then continues it inexorable hastening  ultimately to the endless, length-less, breadth-less, seemingly age-less Atlantic.

Here, we have the evening song of the sloshing waters ,an aged river in winter, as two exotic Ring Neck Ducks, with their stark and elegant black and white edges, silently surprise, then sweep upstream, flying scarcely above the wild waters, on their way to wherever home may be.

Our eyes drawn to the cloudcover above, where  the hundred local adolescent Crows journey, their passing staggered, as the continuous stream of young ones play and romp and toss their agile selves about, crying and hooting, heading for their well hidden roosting grounds, their involvement in this annual occurrence innocent of the fact that every summer's batch of young crow before them have gathered and played, fed and then slept together , in this way, in this area, for countless years. 

Here, my own feet grow numb, having found my way down the decrepit and long forgotten stairway to the small strip of riverfront below the parking lot, hidden,   the earth cluttered with brush and tree and limb thrown up upon the land as the river, time and again, rages and rises, tosses that which it captures and carries afoul, and then inexorably the waters settle once again.

Here, I continue to stand, reluctant to interrupt the leaning out toward the waters, the glimpses of elusive, adaptive fish just below the surface, living their own unimaginable lives, all of us immersed in the February cold for one more year.

The late afternoon sun streams it’s last farewell for the day, earth magnificently turning, unrepentant, as humans and wildlife alike all fall toward night.


Friday, February 15, 2013


1.25.13         Take Hold Of




Now, take hold of
the quietly twining vines overhead

the diaphanous light
pressed through thin curtains

the incessant early morning rain
self pulled to your side;
 fatuousness of devotion

2.1.13    The 25th Commandment: 
Embrace Thineself As Does Life 



From conversation about 'When Is Old?'   

First of all, honey, you're not old yet. 
My clients and friends and I have this discussion often. We all weigh in. 

WHEN are you OLD? One 88 year old I know says you're old when all you talk about is your health problems and your doctor visits.

The rest of us shore each other up, with the intention of being realistic and yet not throwing in towels anywhere. 

So, yes,  wrinkles and additional health stuff and mobility/stiffness concerns and vision and maybe eventually hearing, yet vital and involved and wiser...right? 

Myself, I love being a crone, a crone being an as-gorgeous-as-each-of-us-IS older wrinklier, sometimes skinnier and sometimes rounder person who has seen a bunch, loves a bunch, creates a bunch, and supports others without a lot of self-gratifying agenda. .....

and then sharing with each other the experiences of our nights and days, word by sigh by dream by ache by song by sunrise by present moment. 


2.2.13  Queen of the Cottage, Helm of the Heart





She came from a feral colony in Lowell,MA. I had traveled there to pick up a 20 

pound boy cat, who had had several unhappy homes and for the most part spent 

his 7 years in shelters and boxes. We met through internet dating, and hit it off 

immediately.


 While I was there, one staffer turned to me with a small kitten held, 

under her armpits, her small furred legs dangling, long tufts extending out from 

her ears, quizzical authoritative expression upon her 7 week old face. Long fur 

trailing beneath her footpads, a sign of multigeneration ferals. I reluctantly left her 

for a week, their promises to hold her,  to complete the adoption process, and was 

back, quick as possible, to bring her home.


As soon as she joined us, my youngest adopted her, heart, mind and soul. She 

instantly fell in love with both him, and also the 7 year old 20 pound male who 

preceded her by a week, and they have been spooning and wrestling and cuddling 

and having lovers quarrels ever since. 


She has a hard time eating because she needs to be sat with and 'guarded'. 

She needs to be kissed about 50 times a day, all at the same time in the same place 

on her head. Then she's good to go. 


She needs to wrestle daily, with cats and humans, claws and teeth out and 

engaged.    She sits in your lap, leans, and waits for you to enclose her and just 

stay still. When you are drawing or reading, she sits by you and grabs you with her 

claw, over and over and over and over again. 


 She tries to attack and intimidate the  little old mostly blind dog from getting on 

her perch on  the bed, but I alpha her. it's "Nope, that is NOT going to happen, 

small one, not to that old sweet dog." 


 If you put a piece of paper on the bed, she will finally relax because she knows 

where her place is. If you stay very very still, she kisses your nose. 


She announces herself throughout the house in the finest Siamese tradition, but 

when you go look for her to give her herbs and vitamins in terribly fancy canned 

food, she remains quietly sitting behind some object, listening to you in the most 

ardently disinterested feline tradition.


 Her given name is Mary Jane, named by her person who was 16 at the time, so you 

know what that is about...

1.31.13     Trees Thrash Low




I do most of my writing by paraphrase
a slip and a daze
a long phantom raze

Most of my nights are spent somnolent
sequating rents;
heedless intent

In wild raining mornings the trees thrash low;
 your heart like a spear
digs deep; strikes slow


2.6.13 Thank you, Octavio Paz
Water night



If you open your eyes,
night opens, doors of musk,
the secret kingdom of the water opens
following from the center of the night.

Si abres los ojos
se abre la noche de puertas de musgo,
se abre el reino secreto del agua
que mana del centro de la noche


and if you close your eyes,
a river fills you from within,
flows forward, darkens you;
night brings its wetness to the beaches of your soul.

Y si los cierras,
un riote inuda por dentro,
avanza, te hare oscura;
la noche moja riberas en tu alma