3.21.18 Precluding Surprises

I was talking the other day with someone , about the future. About aging, about the unexpected, about our different styles and choices we each select, to deal with this.

They were saying that they became so anxious just considering it, and preferred perhaps to simply live well, and trust in their capacity to deal, as life happened. 

I listened and applauded their trust in their own processes.

For myself, for perhaps thirty years, I have increasingly been figuring out how to approach planning and contemplations of this , in increments, to slowly desensitize anxiety, and slowly create workable realistic contingencies. 

This works well for me. And without independent or inherited wealth or a great big income, it seems imperative.

Simply because we are culturally awash with those who did not choose to try to plan what they could, or were at wits end to even have more choices.

It’s good to know if you don’t have kids or they won’t be predisposed to care for you much, or ensure you have access to choices that are important to you. 

If they don’t trust you and they don’t respect your preferences, this is good to know. 

To see who else would be willing and able to be your Durable Power of Attorney or executor, even if all you own is an old house and an old car. Or less. 

To know your wishes will be followed and respected is an important thing.

To accept that you might love that dish or that print or those books but they might get dumped after you kick off, so why not really enjoy them now. 

That if you can find homes for things ahead of time and document that, well, how nice.

As I said to a friend just the other day, we may be the only one who prizes our ceramic frog collection or our writings or our ancient tablecloths or our tool collection. So why not relish these things, knowing that this is enough.

It’s the same as learning that there very well might come a time when the only steward left who truly knows the remarkable expertise we developed or our life work... will be us.
And to confidently hold that knowing dear.

The idea of NOT learning to desensitize these things, in our ridiculously death and aging-phobic culture, seems to not portend the best possible experience . And if there’s one thing I would like to work around, it’s being unprepared and surprised big time, at a tough time of life. 

Why have to move at 80, instead of at 65?

Learning how tough things often are as we age gives me this vigor to truly relish my 65 year old strong vital legs ,and gets me carefully and persistently to the gym, to make that effort to really see what I can reach for , and for how long.