11.10.16 Never was

I was never good at eating meat. Animals and fish and others with eyes and mouths.
There were too many to thank, taking their lives from them and pushing their lives into mine.
I would turn and look at my small arm with it's pale white skin and it's goose bumps and then look at my plate with the dead chicken body and it's goose bumps.
I'd look at fish muscles and the boiled-while-dying lobster face and it would simply be too much. And make too much sense that it was too much.
I wondered, how could  you say that much thankyou?
How could your thankyous be good enough for the cow to have its baby taken away so I could have milk or butter or cheese or yogurt?
These are the things I have wondered.
I tried to be a proper meat eater when I was growing up, but it was no good.
I could never seem to do the math.