So much difficult
life happens. And so often it’s such a surprise. I sometimes have this sense that
we were brainwashed by Disney movies, and somehow toddle our way through
childhood into adulthood assuming that ‘LIFE’ will be a Disney movie and
everything will ‘turn out alright’. What a strange idea- and how pervasive in
this culture, at least. Ask almost anyone not living in a dire situation. Most of the time they'll tell you they anticipate 'things' turning out pretty much alright.
Why not learn
that difficult life happens when we're younger? Stuff happens, kids, so let’s learn how to keep managing while it’s happening,
and do the best we can. And hey, you really may want to plan realistically as well as possible.Keep researching, keep talking to people, be real about it. Really, it may help to address this strange assumption , so people are at least given the idea, with repetition, to be better prepared and possibly focus on growing some skills and forethought.
So much difficult
life happens. Look around you. Some people have so many things happening ,to them or their neighbors or loved ones or co-workers all at once. The lack of income with the lack of access
to education with the lack of educational abilities with the health endangering
jobs with the lack of health insurance with the stress of no washer or dryer or driving around some old rusty car, is not an easy thing. And we are a nation of far higher incomes than most. We tend to have some access to clean water, toilets, some education, and some emergency healthcare, at least.
Difficult life
happens, like a surprise pregnancy and child, or the deep desire for parenthood
even if one does not have access to the resources one surely needs in order to
support being a parent. We all get surprised every day that we don't get pregnant, when we have been planning forever, or we do and the child has challenges, or it takes so much more patience and sanity and wisdom and maturity and money to just get by as a parent than anyone ever imagined. And the Disney deal with the deep fulfilling relationship? That is a whole lot of very mature work. And if you don't have the attention span of a goldfish (three seconds) and have some impulse control, meaning you don't opt out at the first itty bitty problem, then you get to grow something remarkable and long lasting. I mean, really.
Difficult life continues to happen, no matter what friends or family or inherited income or business
connections or social connections or neighborhood or church community or street
community you have or do not have. Difficult life happens more often when you have less,
and no one is around to support you building more of your life, or helping to
stand again when you have taken a bad fall.
When difficult
life happens to those I have known who have inherited wealth or large incomes, they still feel completely overwhelmed having to
move or deal with a chronic illness or a child with a severe problem. They just happen to have a nice working car, a stable home situation, paid help to help pack or cook or clean or take care of children or take care of things or organize your next party. For those who dont' have those financial resources, they often learn many skills, like how to rely on neighbors, family, community members, and they learn to step in when someone falls, hoping that someone will manage to be there if they experience the same.
Wherever we
look, if we are mature and awake at the wheel of life and conscious, we notice
that difficult life happens everywhere. Yup, no one is exempt. Difficult life happens to every species everywhere all the time. And it's been happening since the beginning of time.
It happens to the stepped on or diseased ant colony or the yearly
illness of the pine grove or the bear that fell and has one leg that never
works again. Or the bats that have a virus and most of them die. Or the neighbor
who has cancer , isn’t pulling off managing their job, their kid has M.S. , their partner goes off at night and is right on the edge of leaving the
whole situation and abandoning them.
Myself, I find this reassuring- that in my darkest moments of struggle, I am in excellent company the world over. That over time, so many have gone before me, honing their ability in the face of great challenge to remain clear, and true, and focused. That they often got through it, and I will too.
So much
difficult life is not visible. I can’t see yours, and you
can’t see mine. We can't see pain, or the fear of not being able to walk to the store anymore, or loneliness, hopelessness, or the cost of abuse or abandonment. But it's there, inside the people next to us, just doing the best they can to go about their day. So we have to get smart, and begin to understand that challenging life is
happening all around us. We need to grow up and decide if the golden rule is such a good thing after all.
See, little kids
get interested in the golden rule . It seems like a great way of hedging their bets that they too will be treated as well as they are treating others. Adults, if they actually grow up and mature,
often choose to live some version of the golden rule because internally,
ethically, it makes profound sense to them. It resonates with something deep inside
of them that seems to connect them to all else. Which is something we humans
used to experience as a matter of course, until our post-industrial ways and
our technology and our choices of faster-more-distracted-by-anything-fun-at-all
lives came to be something we just slid into every single morning we woke to
our new day. Without a second glance.
This is why there are cycles of interest in settling on into our lives, and slowing things down. Taking care of ourselves. Exercising. Walking to the store. Getting enough sleep. Eating reasonable food at reasonable times. Walking or sitting outside and emptying our minds, giving ourselves a fair chance to unwind all that distresses and disturbs and frustrates us so. This is the way we allow our injuries to heal, and our resilience to return.
In my work as an Acupressurist, Herbalist and Health Educator, I listen to
people every day . They share how difficult life is happening in their days
and in their nights. My job is to listen, and do acupressure on their bodies- to support alignment of their spines, soothe their pain, their inflammation, improve their kidneys and
liver and blood sugar and help them problem-solve natural solutions for their
depression and health conditions.
They come week after week, or less often if we
figure things out well and their bases are well covered, and they share what
improves and what is heartbreaking. What happened 60 years ago and was
never again the same, or how their partner insists on certain things, and then the
tears roll down their cheeks.
They cry ,and I hand them tissue while sitting and listening. I tell them how wise they are to cry or to grieve or to sob. I tell them it's never ever something to apologize for, being wise enough to express themselves. What a precious wise thing it is to model for children and grandchildren and neighbors and friends. How good it is for their bodies and hearts and minds and souls to express all
of that, and have someone listen while they share it. They talk about it, cry about it , confide about it, and then smile. They get on the table and get worked on, having their organs and systems described to them. And then they thank me, and
go off into their own sometimes difficult lives.
