12.19.15 Then we laughed and smiled

     

     What with all his health stuff going on, I just realized what day it is today . A wonderful old friend was here cleaning and helping to clear out the dining room so we could use it for Xmas dinner. I was resting while she talked w this plumber she brought by, about what day it is and when Xmas was.
     It was then I realized Christmas was next Thursday, I think. Then I was sad and he was sad because there had been ideas and plans that suddenly, we realized, wouldn't happen. 
     We went out to buy a cheap little live tree that could be planted the day after , but there were all sold.
     So we came home, sat, and talked about our sadnesses. Our disappointments . Then we talked about what matters. Really.
     Then we decided to pull out the stockings and give the kids and their partners stockings.
     Simple simple sweet cheap.
     I decided that if I got the juice, I'd pull out some lights and wrap them round a conical metal plant stand. We decided to make a Christmas ham ( eww) and have a nice dinner and relish every single thing.
     Then we laughed and smiled and took a very nice long nap.

12.19.15 Now, just imagine their happiness

I love how all the apples linger on the branches

of the apple trees all winter long.

Freezing and thawing, freezing again so that 

the Robins, and the Cedar Waxwings

arrive in clusters in the midst of snowstorms

sinking their beaks deep into the softened fruit.
Now, just imagine their happiness.

12.19.15 in our own little private Idaho

     I'm thinking about Peace on Earth. Goodwill to Others. 

      I'm thinking about what it means. Like any goal, what it entails, to get from where we are today, to contributing to this. 
      I'm remembering the broad range of individuals across so much time who have made such an effort to support this.

     I'm thinking about how many small every day moments of honesty, of directness but diplomacy, of compromise go into nourishing peace in our own small corner of the world.
     I'm wondering what it will take for us to give up on continually lamenting the ways of others, and instead , digesting however we feel about events in the world.

    And then continuing on, somewhat informed.

    Doing what we can, in our own little private Idaho.

12.18.15 You simply step aside

     I've been thinking a lot about antagonism. I've been thinking about it because for most of my adult life, you had to go looking for it, if you wanted some. A little, a lot. Just to get your rocks off.
I never much enjoyed the hobby or the lifestyle, possibly because I was raised by people who deeply adhered to its delightful tenets.
     What my brothers and I discovered , in long hours of analysis in our discussions, was that certain people seemed to feel more comfortable, indeed seemed more defined, when in fervent opposition to others.
     Now, I bump into it all over the place, skulking out from the most unexpected situations, erupting from the most unlikely individuals, usually with this look that seems to imply ' Hey, why the hell NOT?!"
     It looks like they have all kinds of angst and discord and unhappiness . It looks as though they were born yesterday , and completely unable to learn other options. Besides rage and getting your rocks off .
     Years ago I realized I could ask . Whether the person I was having a conflict with wanted to a. Talk and figure things out, or b. Get their rocks off and say all kinds of mean nasty inflammatory stuff they maybe didn't even really mean.
     I learned to tell them " Hey , I'm just not up for the rocks off stuff. If you don't really want to talk, see you later."
     There seems to be so much rocks off stuff all over the place, these days , slipping into town, bulging into the most pedestrian conversations .
     I like the way of Aikido.
Where when someone throws themselves at you , you simply step aside.


Addendum:

Antagonism: noun
1. an active hostility or opposition, as between unfriendly or conflicting groups:
the antagonism between the liberal and the conservative parties.

Anger: noun
1. A strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

Entitlement: noun
the fact of having a right to something"full entitlement to fees and maintenance should be offered"

Elitism: noun
1. practice of or belief in rule by an elite.
2. consciousness of or pride in belonging to a select or favored group.

12.18.15 I was having a problem with the sunset

     I was having a problem with the sunset. It was everywhere I looked, with so many radiant variations , that my studied acceptance of looking ,and not being able to photograph, faltered. I just couldn't stand it. The beauty . 
     I picked Kevin up, tried to listen to what he was sharing, and finally gave up. Interrupting him. 
     Asking to use his phone for just a second ( something one does not do with someone who was an only child) , 
pulled over, ran across a field, and hung out with the sky and the land and the December night.

      Just long enough to keep a little something , for later.