2.14.18 Inching Toward

Sometimes we have the sense we are inching toward some kind of breaking point.
Where the conflusion of factors is intense and complex, and yet there is a very real necessity of our own, to respond to them. In ways far beyond what we can normally manage. In any sort of stability and balance.

So we pause. We stabilize and balance our selves, in whatever ways soothe and calm and clarify.

Perhaps we go chop mounds of potatoes and onions for a church breakfast for those with no home.

Perhaps we go to a fitness place, and mindfully breathe in and out, while feeling the pleasure of stretching this muscle, that spine.

Perhaps we have a big sweet dog who must have a run, and we find ourselves out on the farmers fields, digesting recent death , sad missteps, misunderstandings with tender loved ones, and approaching tough sad conversations.

Where those who falsely elevated themselves, and were held high , in place by many, will be found down along the ground, with the rest of us.

Their pathology clear in the new light of day.

2.14.18 As Life Flips and Tumbles

We take serenity where we can find it

as life flips and tumbles

as we breathe our way along

2.14.18 The Endless Winter Sky

The deep green of the icy waters 
beneath the trees. 
The pale blue of the endless winter sky.

2.14.18 Cast Down Upon

As we crunched along, the morning sunlight shifted
 and tossed itself down along one tree, then another, 
their stately limbs and trunks such a thing of beauty.
 Their shadows cast down upon the icy shimmering ground.

2.13.18 The Pleasure of Their Company

Here, one of my kids calls now, every work day. 

Because things have been tough tough, for us all.
I’m not certain if I feel kind of like an old person, or a loved person,

 or perhaps just a 65 year old loved mom, whose kid just wants to say hi.

So early in the morning, and late in the day, I have the new pleasure of their company.
Talking over new things and old confusions and and sweet things and hard things. 

As we move along , and heal. 

I begin to understand so very much about them, and their life, 

that I never had the opportunity to listen to before. 

And so, as I slowly come to terms with how very alone and unaccompanied I actually was for so long, I am now persistently filled with life . 

And deep regard. 

From some remarkable friends, some siblings , 

and these fine kids of mine.

2.7.18 Here in this place of sudden sorrows and intrepid grief

Anger is a worthy opponent. 
Not uncertainty, nor self-doubt, nor self-deceit.
But anger, red hot rage, can fuel the changes needed, the shifts you await.
Here in this place of sudden sorrows and intrepid grief, the coals of anger rip my tide 
and deliver me home.

2.7.18 Travesty Arrived and Gone

In my mind, I had dreaded so many things.
Like being alone, or dealing with the kids by myself.
But travesty arrived in my home. 
It stormed in revealing all, 
trashing memories I’d believed in, 
that turned now to ash.
And realization brought the honest light of day.
And suddenly I saw I had always been by myself, 
and always my days had shined.