11.18.15 It makes me wonder

I wonder how old most of us are, when we experience some sense of familiarity - with the terrain of our own life. Can you remember? When you are eight or thirteen, and suddenly a good number of things occur to you. It's like someone tuned on the lights, when you had no idea there were lights. And then you begin to put things together. Understanding of the ways of the world. Cultures. Friendships. Unfortunate realizations. The brimming reality of what is actually happening, versus youthful stuttering delusionment. I wonder how old we are, when relational rationalization and making ourselves seem smaller begins to kick in. How many of us strove to be tough tough tough; turns out never was more than a decoy at all.