1.6.17 And then, we muscle up FB video

It was a little tiny low down day of going nowhere and rest resting the way it is sometimes for many of us, when we are too wobbly or too weak or too vulnerable to anything sudden happening , or too filled with riled up can-you-even-imagine-it pain, each with our own, on those wound up stirred up low down wiped out too much lousy days. 

So I rest rested and the world went on without me.

Because these things happen. We know they do. 

And as they approach, it's like we're watching a big dark storm cloud .
And suddenly everything looks dark and less possible . 

And it all seems to snowball or domino, they start to gather up crapola from the past . 

And you sit there saying 'Oh, I know this one. It's ok. Keep clear. The big dark cloud is gonna pass by. Hang on. Stop thinking. Let it go.'

You sit back, not actually believing what you tell yourself right now, for a minute. 

Because sometimes we have wisdom we can't quite really connect up with at the moment,but that's ok, we can just keep flying blind, holding the wisdom in our hand while we do. 

And because it feels so lousy at the moment and so impossible and the present loudness of impossibility of course begins to converge on old asleep lousinesses, and you watch, alarmed, as they start to wake up.

You settle them back down quickly, trying to believe that the pervasive dark cloud is going to pass. Holding the wisdom quietly, with some faith, in your hands.

But,what the heck, you deep breathe and let it come and watch it as you feel it,and let it go ,and try to nap ,and get bored and upset that you're not well, and that these things happen.We,each one of us,has our own concerns we grapple with, struggling to maintain perspective of some kind.

But sometimes we can keep on, making the efforts whether we are all in or not. We make the efforts, because it's more manageable to swim than to sink. Sinking is miserable and sucks and is the essence of suffering.

So we muscle up and make our efforts, and ever so slowly, the light begins to arrive ,and the big dark cloud is blown to another place, not bearing down any longer on you.

And you still are not well,and still have to let go of nice stuff, and all the being included you'd hoped for, but this is simply the way of it and no one is exempt.

Not bears or trees or ants or you.

And then, through the front window, just before bedtime, you turn to discover that finally that beautiful blazing winter sun has managed to come out.

https://www.facebook.com/gwen.mcclellan/videos/10208622718548907/