Sometimes it takes us years to really see
that our family is status oriented. We might not notice for so long. But, if
we're truly someone who is not real interested in status or materialism , we
don't get for a long time that our family actually interprets many things according
to status.
There are so many candidates for criteria to evaluate people by. Some are meaningless and suck, others are old as the hills, so that their conventionality rules the day.
The most reliable way of navigating life is observing and having interactions, and then slowly making sense of what seems to be going on. As opposed to characterizing someone, and doing the freeze frame.
We all know that way that we kind of assume our kids will grow up to have mini me values just like ours , even though we might not have done that deal with our own parents.
And then, in parenting, there's the growing up phases, the rebelling stages, the finding themselves stages, that all kind of blend into the 'Ok, here they are. Right now, they seem to be kind of like this for now' stage.
If we don't want to skew our own clarity and honesty by making all sorts of assumptions, we just have to sit with the available facts.
For example, if they love to edge toward jokes that demean others, at holidays to upset us, it really doesn't matter if they're doing it to piss us off.
There are so many candidates for criteria to evaluate people by. Some are meaningless and suck, others are old as the hills, so that their conventionality rules the day.
The most reliable way of navigating life is observing and having interactions, and then slowly making sense of what seems to be going on. As opposed to characterizing someone, and doing the freeze frame.
We all know that way that we kind of assume our kids will grow up to have mini me values just like ours , even though we might not have done that deal with our own parents.
And then, in parenting, there's the growing up phases, the rebelling stages, the finding themselves stages, that all kind of blend into the 'Ok, here they are. Right now, they seem to be kind of like this for now' stage.
If we don't want to skew our own clarity and honesty by making all sorts of assumptions, we just have to sit with the available facts.
For example, if they love to edge toward jokes that demean others, at holidays to upset us, it really doesn't matter if they're doing it to piss us off.
They're still doing it.
Telling absolutely unacceptable jokes.
If they ridicule a co-worker with a lazy eye and the others all laugh, that's what is up. They are people who ridicule others for that reason. If they help out in difficult times by buying things, and then think they can set the rules for where the dog is allowed the go in your own house, that's who they are.
If they ridicule a co-worker with a lazy eye and the others all laugh, that's what is up. They are people who ridicule others for that reason. If they help out in difficult times by buying things, and then think they can set the rules for where the dog is allowed the go in your own house, that's who they are.
And if they make a point of telling you
they don't believe you ,when it comes to something intrinsic and out of your
control, well then, they are making up alt fact stories that they prefer to the
tough stuff you happen to be facing.
Everyone struggles with this . And either their kids hide stuff, pretend stuff, have a facade that looks more together than they really are, hate your religion , dress in a way you can't fathom, live more strictly or more crazily than you, have too many kids too soon or don't wanna give you that grand baby.
They might live nearby, and demand your help all the time, or live far away and might call sometimes. Or not.
Remember when they were little and you'd talk with their friends' parents and realize the other kids were doing all kinds of weird stuff too, and it wasn't just yours?
Life seems to be this sweet, tough, unpredictable crap shoot.
Some of us have unbelievable tough, and some have boring uneventful lives, that hold no joy and teach no strength.
I figure most of us live somewhere in between.
Everyone struggles with this . And either their kids hide stuff, pretend stuff, have a facade that looks more together than they really are, hate your religion , dress in a way you can't fathom, live more strictly or more crazily than you, have too many kids too soon or don't wanna give you that grand baby.
They might live nearby, and demand your help all the time, or live far away and might call sometimes. Or not.
Remember when they were little and you'd talk with their friends' parents and realize the other kids were doing all kinds of weird stuff too, and it wasn't just yours?
Life seems to be this sweet, tough, unpredictable crap shoot.
Some of us have unbelievable tough, and some have boring uneventful lives, that hold no joy and teach no strength.
I figure most of us live somewhere in between.
No comments:
Post a Comment