Q: So, when this all went down, did you tell those others?
A: Well, yeah. I had to. I mean, what if someone came forward? All of them were so involved and helpful and did such remarkable work. They are so wonderful and sincere. What an unfair nightmare to do to a good institution. What if they got sued? No, I had to.
Q: Were all of you here on board about this?
A: God no. I mean, I tried that at first. But really its too hard. It's crazy difficult.
I wasn't real fond of how I was treated at times, but I certainly understood how horrible it was for them.
So I eventually went off and quietly did what I needed to do. I'm still the only one who knows the whole deal.
And depending on where you are standing in relation to some crap like this, it cranks you and it twists your inner archetypes and all you held dear and true that you based your life on.
No, not everyone can hold tight and manage and remain aware of others.
Sometimes you need to wake up and separate out from the others, after the initial crap comes slithering out, have the heart rending conversations together, and then you must off on your own and go do what must be done.
Especially if your'e the principal of the deal. It's your job and your call.
Q: How did it go?
A: Well, I kept finding my way, slowly discovering who was reliable and who wasn't.
I just needed enough transparency to live the truth of what went down.
So I did what I needed to do to accomplish that, and had some remarkable supports along the way. And the others? Well, if you want to know who someone truly is, hand them a shit sandwich and watch how much integrity they actually have. (laughing)
Q: So there were going to be accolades and celebration and a big deal fancy gathering you were designing ,and you realized it was all based on make believe and had to shut it down.
A: Yeah. the whole deal sucks. But I did. It was a tragic abortion of an event.
It wasn't true and I wouldn't have been able to make believe. To fake anything.
I'd be patently unwilling.
I'm not into deception and would never sleep at night if I fibbed even a little.
I can't tolerate anyone who deceives.
One hysterical note is that if you tell those you are closest to that its fine whatever they decide,
to just let you know and you'll take off and no problem,
then when they don't have much integrity, they hide and pretend.
When all along you would've been happy to just drop them off and go on your way.
How perverted.
The funny thing is, there are more, excuse me, sickos in our lives than we realize.
Some of us tend to be little Pollyannas, who are well intentioned and Devoted
and give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
But then you get crapped on and hit hard, and you wake up.
It's how you wake up.
You wake up and you sit up and you say "Oh my fuck what the hell was I thinking?"
You get your self together and learn that ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
and then you never ever go back. to listening to the words instead of the actions.
In fact, you wish you could write some flabby thank you note because you're so glad the truth outs.
I mean, it's never too soon to dump liars and creeps and machinations.
Q: Right. That just makes sense. And so often we really really want to believe what others say, even if their actions contradict what they insist. When we're young, we think we are supposed to Trust and Believe and that if we don't , there is something wrong with us. Its quite the conspiracy, actually.
A: Yeah, it is. All wrapped up with a Disney bow. But if we stay awake and aware and even if we get crapped on while we are all out devoted and doing our best, still at the end of the day, you know what? You still have the person you have grown yourself to be. You always have that. Which is really the best thing.
Q: You're right. And why not get the heads up, learn how the great big weirdo world functions, having a learning curve for your self, and then go live you own life.
A: Exactly my sentiment.
Ollie ollie in free
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