2.7.17 Chugging right along

     It's so tough to have a tough day. Where you're just going along, and one hard thing after another happens. Where it's like watching a slo-mo train wreck, and you're thinking to yourself things like 'Are you serious?' and 'No way!' and 'This too?' 
     But days like this happen to each of us, all those smashos coming our way, in addition to whatever 'normal' may be at the time. And, of course, our 'normal' right now is quite the doozer. 
     When these days happen , what I notice is two things.
     First, I begin to notice how past overwhelm I am. I don't freak out or anything. I'm just on-beyond-zero. Hit and hit hard, utilizing less than normal internal resources to digest this reality, and have a stab at adapting my choices way down to the reduced ability I have to deal.
     What I next notice is I'm like a stuck record player. Remember record players?      Remember how they'd sometimes get stuck in a groove, and keep going round and round playing the same little bit over and over?
     Only,my deal, and maybe yours, is that, instead of saying to myself 'Yes. Yes it's true.      This shitstorm is happening .' I just stay there, denying it.
'No no no this can't be happening. To me. Right now. Like this.'. Etc etc etc .
     Which only postpones the digesting, and the cooling down , and then the adapting well to the new lousy deal.
     Lately, I come up for air, remind myself, and then just take a moment. And say 'Yup, this is happening. Yup , this sucks. Yes, I am SO angry or worried or sad or whatever .'
     As soon as I come to and begin saying yes, the whole deal begins to flow, the way it knows how to do, if I'm not all set on denying it's reality.
     Sure, you then begin to feel it. And that isn't easy. And you have to find your big kid pants, and remind yourself that no matter how horrible you feel now, it WILL move along with time passing. It will become less intense.
     Sometimes when this stuff happens , I make it to maybe 5 or 5:30 or even 6 am, before I wake, churning with anxiety.
     I think to myself 'How cool is that, that I slept that long?'
     I lie there, exhausted, flipping between breathing exercises in the darkness, with the beautiful starry skies out my window.
     To imagining myself by a stream, and watching, as one after another thought or feeling comes down the pike, and then drifts away after.
     I'll find a guided meditation to listen to, meditate on my own, or very quietly lie there doing EFT , shaving it down little by little .
     And sooner or later, I remember.
     That I'm digesting this heap of stress or distress.
     I'm chugging along, my conveyor belt heaped with crap, slowly and gradually composting each and every thing.
     Sooner or later these things will lose their bite and their intensity. Sooner or later when I remember these things, they will be calmer, and I will have had realizations and cooled down and really learned something.
    AFLE, for certain, that holds us in good stead.

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