Monday, January 4, 2016

1.3.15 Ashes to ashes




     Sometimes you're just going along, in your own little neck of the woods, just making the effort and going the distance and focused realistically and determined to make do and accepting what is and finding your strength and suddenly, ashes to ashes , it all falls down. 
     You smash up against all the stuff that was quietly pushed under the rug, while you were making your good- job great- effort try. 
All of a sudden you are standing there , wondering . Which is your delusional perspective and which is true. That's the magic moment, right there.
     When you get off track and overwhelmed and , feeling faintly betrayed by who knows what, and a little bit sucker punched, you fall back far enough to inadvertently avail yourself of The Big Picture.
     Which, of course, is three parts depressing and eight parts simply a return to the whole deal of what's actually been going down the whole time anyway.
     So that there's actually plenty of time to deflate. To have all sorts of hopeless deflated ideas and feelings and stop struggling to hold up the big 'It's Okay We Can Do It 'deal, and instead drop that heavy unwieldy sucker to the ground.
     Then there's plenty of space to just hang out there while what is happening settles itself down comfortably , without trying real hard to appear real positive.
     Finally, everything lands. All that is going on. You take a deep breath .
     You don't try to think it out or play the good side up or make lemonade.
     Instead , you brush yourself off as you pull yourself to standing. It's all there before you now, in its honesty and simplicity. No trying . No drama. Just the plain old situation on a nice enough day.



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