5.29.16 How the restoration goes

I was thinking about how, when we harm others or experience difficulty with them, the more present and aware we manage to be, the more integrity there is present in the situation, and the more able the concerned are to untangle the difficult, the unfortunate; and the injury or the harm.

So that, with trauma and abuse, one of the most difficult aspects, after the nature of the harm, is the absence of conscious awareness of those doing the harm. 

Funny, isn't it? You wouldn't necessarily anticipate that anyone capable of harming or abusing would be capable of consciously awarely being present about it thereafter.
Some do learn and grow and make amends and have profound remorse.

We all understand that this does not resolve the injury, the wound or the harm.
But somehow, in small or large situations, being wiling to be present with others can remove secondary compounding harm.

So that, let's say we imagine a smaller misunderstanding. Let's say we impatiently misinterpret the words of a child, a partner, a friend. We are exhausted, at our wits end . We snap. We utter unkind inaccurate words.
Later, we regret. We express this. 

We listen with full attention while they expound upon the injustice.
We keep from refuting, from defending ourselves, extolling rationalization.
We simply listen.
We reiterate our regret.
We resolve the rest on our own.

Time passes. The experience and our remorse and their process do their magic.
The situation settles with few residual tangles going forward.

I do know some who have experienced serious harm, and have been listened to, in profound regret, by they that harmed .

It does not make everything aok.
It does make the situation less harmful than it would have been , if gone ahead with no witness whatsoever .