It may take awhile, but if we're here long enough, we begin to understand that the particular quality a friend or relation has, that is so challenging in some circumstance....is perfect at other times. We begin to get that one neighbor or beloved or co-worker would suck on a cross country adventure, but is the very best when we are canning or fixing our car or bowling or problem solving a sudden glitch or comforting a crabby baby.
A few years ago I began to notice this.
As I hung with my younger kids who were trying to figure out how the really great sleep over friend was horrible to study with.
We had these long talks about discovering who fit us well in what situations, with the reminder that things do change. To stay present for the inevitable changes.
One of my dearest friends can be such an opinionated person, who is set to defend me against anyone at all, even when there is no one to blame. They try to fix whatever anyone shares with them, but I finally got that they are just a protective charged up person. Thick and thin, they are just right there.
Other people will shy away when we're sick or in trouble, because they just can't handle it, not because they don't care. But they'll show up with soup, smilingly looking away the whole time, and all ready to sit out and watch the day come to a close. Caring in their own way.
Which really is the best reminder.
That we all shift and change here and there. We tune in and tune out, we sometimes crash and burn. We sometimes think and say dumb things we don't really mean later.
So it ends up really being all about the fit. The long view.
Coming closer together when it fits. Giving space when it doesn't. And (maybe) talking about it; maybe not. Depends. On the fit.
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