1.23.16 Last week, I began

     Sometimes life is quite enough, thank you, and our aim becomes how to simply manage. Other times, we somehow garner some will, mixed with yearning, folded with possibility, and set out to see what we might do to improve our lot. Last week, I began running.
     Oh, I know- we often make the mistake of setting high standards for what constitutes running, singing, writing, swimming, and so on. Sillly, really , unless there's a reason to do things in that way . But if all you have your eye set on is possibility , then you don't mess around with that self- limiting crap... Instead you just go do what you can , wisely. 
     When I was younger there was that explosion of The Self Help Movement.. In the beginning , it was both less accurate and less full of silliness. All in all a good thing , the gradual incubation of models to use to see if you can get somewhere . 
But in all that excitement , we let go of some old wisdoms. For example , sometimes if we just quiet ourselves down and take the first step, and then the next and next, with a peaceful mind, before long, we are singing. Or learning about computers. Or fixing our car. Or...running. 
     Like many of us, I became intoxicated by all those glossy books and ideas with steps and numbers and fancy Names and charts to track wondrous 'progress ' . Til the day I realized I was a 'New Plan!' junkie . 
     Now I understand myself better. That if I take care a bit with my infrastructure, and don't go trying really huge things when too much hard stuff is happening , I just might enjoy the first step . 
     So last week I did , enjoy the first step. See , I was really worried about my beloved . I was really angry about something else. My sleep had improved a little more. I had to be out there in the cold anyway , because of the dog.

     And somehow , despite the fake leather boots and the heavy winter coat, as I walked down the frozen road in the morning sun , I just pushed off. It felt like kalumphing. Like 'Oof Oof Oof '. But I ran maybe 5 steps. I was like "Hmm. What was that?' Because there have been times a year ago I wasn't well enough to do the walk. 
     The next day I got there, remembered, and kalumphrd a bit further . I thought. "Hmmm. The new way I'm eating ?? The juicing??"
     The day after I began counting. One count for each 4 steps . Just, you know, to see how far I could go before collapsing , breathless . And some of us know we need to build up v-e-r-y wisely. 
     The next day I ran to 35. (X4 steps). The next to 60. No out of breath . Whoa! I felt like someone had given me a huge exciting surprise . 
     Then right on time came the 80, the 100, and so on to the current 250. Without pushing or shoving or berating, just enjoying. 
     Yesterday I got a package sent to 'Mommy' at my address . Hmm. Three kids, three candidates. Inside were 'running shoes'. Really weird thjngs. Huge bumped out heels, bells and whistles , and a big dip in the front , so waking around inside, I kept feeling like I was going to fall over. Squished my feet, but they were so sleek. Wow. Found out my incredibly running daughter had pulled that off. I smiled! 
     Then our washer line froze from the cold, so I traded the soaking half washed humongous winter coat for a polar fleece jacket. And off I went with the pup.
Running down a road with a small coat and running shoes after a big coat and boots is a trip. Like removing the blocks of cement from your feet and letting loose.
     Course, we all know to take care with new shoes , so as not to get into trouble with pulled this or inflamed that, so I did. 
     And despite some little monkey in my mind wanting to think about futures and great heights of running and all kinds of outcome stuff, I know myself. Well enough to just stay here and now and persist with a gentle touch and let it just coast along by itself.