Sometimes
in our lives crap happens . A moment of genuine hard crap, or an ongoing
crapfest that lasts a bit , or longer.
It's tiring, really, and all the stuff we try to make a reasonable effort at , not perfectly , mind you, and not everything ... But at least some of the ways of caring for ourselves simply fall flat and heavy on the road a-ways back .
And then sometimes things let up a bit , and after a few days we know we are snowballing in a not good direction . We know things have let up .
And the thing is, even though we want someone , anyone really ... to intervene with our lives and circumstances and some of the lousier choices we have been making right now ,why, no one exactly knows. , and no one shows up ,
grabbing us by the arm, giving it an affectionate shake , saying. 'Its settling now . And I know it hasn't been easy . But how you're eating and sleeping and caring for yourself will come to no good ; will just make you more miserable . So you're just going to have to buck up and set yourself in the right path again.'
We want to have them be so strong and so able that we get the luxury of whining , then, a little bit... Indulging our sorry asses.
But truth is, there is no one there but our sweet own tired out downtrodden selves. , with that alluring sense of defeat and unfairness .. as if fair is in the vocabulary of life at all.
We look up and it's only us , there, flopping about in the puddle we fell in after the storm of hard crap came along and dumped all sorts of stuff on us , and then we admittedly wallowed around a bit longer.
I myself hate that part, the bootstrap stuff , where it's up to you or to me only , to decide to take a deep breath and whine and moan while we struggle to our stiff sore knees and hands ,and find purchase with some rock or tree or even just the gravely mud ground, and we struggle our way to our feet. .
Come to find we 're far from home , of course , with the return of old lousy habits we've worked hard lately to rationalize ..
And it's only us standing there, taking one cold soggy crap step after another , finding our way back home once again .
It's tiring, really, and all the stuff we try to make a reasonable effort at , not perfectly , mind you, and not everything ... But at least some of the ways of caring for ourselves simply fall flat and heavy on the road a-ways back .
And then sometimes things let up a bit , and after a few days we know we are snowballing in a not good direction . We know things have let up .
And the thing is, even though we want someone , anyone really ... to intervene with our lives and circumstances and some of the lousier choices we have been making right now ,why, no one exactly knows. , and no one shows up ,
grabbing us by the arm, giving it an affectionate shake , saying. 'Its settling now . And I know it hasn't been easy . But how you're eating and sleeping and caring for yourself will come to no good ; will just make you more miserable . So you're just going to have to buck up and set yourself in the right path again.'
We want to have them be so strong and so able that we get the luxury of whining , then, a little bit... Indulging our sorry asses.
But truth is, there is no one there but our sweet own tired out downtrodden selves. , with that alluring sense of defeat and unfairness .. as if fair is in the vocabulary of life at all.
We look up and it's only us , there, flopping about in the puddle we fell in after the storm of hard crap came along and dumped all sorts of stuff on us , and then we admittedly wallowed around a bit longer.
I myself hate that part, the bootstrap stuff , where it's up to you or to me only , to decide to take a deep breath and whine and moan while we struggle to our stiff sore knees and hands ,and find purchase with some rock or tree or even just the gravely mud ground, and we struggle our way to our feet. .
Come to find we 're far from home , of course , with the return of old lousy habits we've worked hard lately to rationalize ..
And it's only us standing there, taking one cold soggy crap step after another , finding our way back home once again .
No comments:
Post a Comment