11.29.15 Catching ourselves in control

I was hanging out today with my brother, after he worked on my beloved in all his brilliant ways, and we were trading sessions ourselves. I offered him an essential oil blend I'd brought for his digestion, and then urged him to do something else; then caught myself and laughed...at myself.

 Thing is, he is generally so clear, so mindful, that when I am tired and I slip, it is so easy to see. I realized that 'controlling' is what we become in moments when we are filled with how, in the past, too much responsibility was foisted upon us too soon, or in the present, when we choose to take on too much. 

It's almost as if the overburdened donkey of our selves slips from he weight of the too heavy load, and slips into a default compensatory function. Controlling. 

Because we never need to spii out of ourselves into pushing into others, if we are aware, and have our own retained stability. It's only when, by hook or by crook, we slide over into that place where things are really too much to handle, that we begin reaching out into places that are not ours at all. 

Needing others to do things, say things, feel things, believe things. When we are settled and confident and stable, we actually don't need anyone else to do anything. 

Now, of course, there are moments when the car is sliding into the river, and you need that passerby to grab the damn fender and help pull. 

But most of life consists of times when we can become so confused about the boundaries between what is yours, what is mine,and what is ours. Need versus want versus extending ourselves into the realm of another.

I was delighted with the realization. I was even excited when I noticed it veer up from within me soon after.

When we embraced goodbye, my husband picked me up, and some silly pushy words spewed out of my mouth, while I was just sitting there, watching! Going "Oh my! What a funny unnecessary thing to say!" 

Some people we hang out with are so clear and have learned these things with such diligence, that one tiny peep of silliness from us becomes instantly recognizable. Like an internal compass of wonder and clarity that is honed with time.