Sunday, October 11, 2015

10.10.15 In the worst of times



     Sometimes, when things have been tough enough for long enough, when our 'good sport about life' stance stumbles, our stiff upper lip dissolves, and we are just tired out enough, we wait in expectation of that voice of confident forbearance, our deep wise self , to show up , and after leaning in door jambs in the pouring rain all alone in the dark, we begin to feel a little desperate. 
     We nonchalantly stop by the street corners where our deep wise self used to appear. We settle into sleep in just that position when the soothing voice of reassurance filtered through our consciousness . But no go.
     Recently I realized that if I'm tired out enough and have been enduring enough , I need to exert myself in the most kind way I can manage ,to get the ball rolling in self care.
It just has to happen if I want to rejuvenate enough that this vital part of me can be rejuvenated enough to begin to show up. And guide me. Comfort me. Make me laugh!!
     It's like I've been struggling in the ocean , the waves bashing me at all the worst intervals , and I just need to pause, to calm down and get it together. The best way to do that is to manage to take care of myself in kind, good ,pleasurable ways.
     I know . It's weird; antithetical even . There you are ,going under , getting wave bashed, and you're trying to deliver to yourself kindness mixed with comfort blended with a small dollop of humor . Right??!!
    But then you pull it off . You do and I do, and suddenly we might be waaaay the hell off from shore , but hey, we're treading water pretty nicely now . And the sea seems to be calming.
     It's all impossible and frightening and then we do that push of caring for ourselves in those little important ways, and all of a sudden ,we find purchase in the sand beneath our feet. We stand . We make our way up onto shore. The miracle should never be lost on us.
     In the worst of times, if we calm down , and find our footing. we can give ourselves kind good moments. , and turn it all around


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