It's so easy it is to think that, if we
don't yell or insult or gossip, or ever be unkind, we won't experience
excommunication from our family of origin.
But what many of us discover, is that
a family of origin , indeed, has a unique little life of its own. That it will
sometimes thoroughly enjoy riling each other up with stories and vantage
points, and relish all that infectious high dizzying drama.
Sometimes, no matter what we say or how nice we are, we will find ourselves slammed out.
Mine has a long veritable tradition of WASP excommunication, stories told with delight about so many generations back; something my elders were actually proud of. Go figure. The ability to close out others, forever. Which I was concerned about, and worked hard to ensure this did not ,at least, happen with my own kids. That I didn't fall prey to disillusioning myself in favor of disrupting a relationship, versus finding other ways to communicate, or set boundaries.
What I didn't suspect was that the family we grow up with can sometimes so easily fall prey to the excitement and lure...and that good old us-vs-them sense of closeness, derived from letting another have it, and then shutting them away. Kind of like being five years old, on the playground, teaming up to feel like good great buds, with a deliciously projected upon common evil enemy. Yum.
Course, every family has it's tendencies for problems. And sometimes, this particular dynamic is the poison of choice.
And then, years pass. These experiences only solidify our own sense of who we are. The goodness we believe in. Honesty, with ourselves and others. Kindness. The letting go of the why and wherefore, of others. The laying to rest the denouement of rejection.
In favor of turning, and growing a great good life of grace.
Sometimes, no matter what we say or how nice we are, we will find ourselves slammed out.
Mine has a long veritable tradition of WASP excommunication, stories told with delight about so many generations back; something my elders were actually proud of. Go figure. The ability to close out others, forever. Which I was concerned about, and worked hard to ensure this did not ,at least, happen with my own kids. That I didn't fall prey to disillusioning myself in favor of disrupting a relationship, versus finding other ways to communicate, or set boundaries.
What I didn't suspect was that the family we grow up with can sometimes so easily fall prey to the excitement and lure...and that good old us-vs-them sense of closeness, derived from letting another have it, and then shutting them away. Kind of like being five years old, on the playground, teaming up to feel like good great buds, with a deliciously projected upon common evil enemy. Yum.
Course, every family has it's tendencies for problems. And sometimes, this particular dynamic is the poison of choice.
And then, years pass. These experiences only solidify our own sense of who we are. The goodness we believe in. Honesty, with ourselves and others. Kindness. The letting go of the why and wherefore, of others. The laying to rest the denouement of rejection.
In favor of turning, and growing a great good life of grace.
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